7 phrases to politely stop a pessimist

Until recently, I theoretically knew only two ways to communicate with negative people, but none of them ever worked in practice.

For example, I followed the advice to avoid «chronic complainers.» I never stooped to rudeness, but if someone started to whine in front of me, I avoided further communication. This soon led to the fact that I destroyed relationships with important, though not always pleasant people.

Then I tried to sympathize with pessimistic people, to agree with them when they began to “load” me with their problems. I was adding my own whining to their already bleak picture of the world. But this approach was disheartening and caused people to constantly complain in my presence.

I eventually discovered a third way: to respond to pessimistic statements in such a way that unhealthy pessimism evaporates from the conversation, leaving only lively constructive communication. I use these seven phrases with people who always have negativity to share.

1. “I’m so sorry. Did anything good come out of it?»

This phrase shows that you sympathize, and at the same time switches the person’s thoughts to the positive wave “there is no harm without good.” If the other person answers, “No, it didn’t lead to anything good,” you can nod sympathetically and switch to another topic.

Note that in no case should you indicate what kind of “good” happened because of the “bad”. If this is done, the interlocutor will go on the defensive, proving that the situation is nowhere worse, despite the positive points found.

2. “What a horror! But it looks like you’ve got it all figured out.»

Do you know how experienced managers re-educate lazy employees? They are constantly praised for their hard work. This motivates people to work harder and try to really earn the title of «workaholic».

When you praise the interlocutor for «amazing» psychological resilience, it sets him up in a more positive way.

3. “Wow! Tell me how you manage to deal with it»

When you ask about coping strategies, you automatically put the other person into problem-solving mode. Since it is unlikely that anyone will want to publicly admit: “Yes, I have no idea how to live with this,” you are almost guaranteed to receive a positive answer.

4. “If only he had such experience (wisdom, qualifications) as you have!”

I use this phrase when colleagues complain about other employees. This phrase calms the interlocutor, emphasizing his dignity, makes you think about the reasons for the behavior of others. This combination of encouragement and encouragement to reflect is so strong that it stops negative gossip for a long time.

5. «Did I understand correctly that you’re upset about..?»

Some just won’t leave you alone until you listen to them. In dealing with this type of people, I simply repeat the complaints out loud so that they can hear them. Since I am not adding anything new, the interlocutors usually run out of steam quickly.

6. “Oh, nightmare! I’m sure you want to talk about something more joyful. What else do you have new?

With this answer, you force the interlocutor to change the topic of conversation to a less gloomy one. Usually this happens, because no one will answer: “No, actually I don’t want to talk about anything joyful.”

7. «Can I help you with something?»

Of course, you should only offer help when you can really help. But in most cases, chronically complaining people will not accept help. Most likely, in response you will hear: “No, nothing is needed” or “I don’t think that I can be helped with anything.” Then you can say: “Be sure to let me know, I’ll be happy to help,” and then move the conversation to another topic.

Communication with negatively minded people can hardly be considered pleasant. But now you don’t have to run every time a chronic complainer approaches. Feel free to start a conversation, because you are armed with ways to deal with pessimism.

Source: www.ajafrost.com