The manipulator knows our weaknesses well and knows how to make us play by his rules. What feelings usually force us to give up our own interests and agree to manipulation?
Business coach Nikita Nepryakhin analyzed what the manipulator most often plays on, wanting to achieve his goals. The study was conducted from April 2013 to June 2017. The age of participants is from 19 to 63 years, of which 61% are women, 39% are men. 92% employed, 8% unemployed and students.
First, all participants in the study received an explanation of what manipulation is, after which they were asked to recall the most difficult case of manipulation that they encountered in work, business, family, friendships, or some other area. So we got 647 stories and, after analyzing them, revealed what the main feeling was exploited by the manipulators in each case.
1. Guilt. On the one hand, this is a natural and adequate reaction to one’s unseemly act. But manipulators imperceptibly replace landmarks, passing off good for bad and vice versa. And then the guilt becomes destructive and leads to negative consequences.
2. Feeling sorry. Many manipulators play on it, posing as the unfortunate victim of people and circumstances, and asking to enter into their position. These are infantile, dependent people who want to be surrounded by care. In fact, it is those who sympathize and help them that become victims.
3. Feeling of fear. Fear is the dominant instinct that underlies our conscious and unconscious reactions. Intimidation and threats are the manipulator’s favorite tool.
4. Playing on gender and sexuality. In a couple, one or both of the partners use sex as a reward, and rejection or coldness as a punishment. Also, in different relationships, including in workers, gender stereotypes can be manipulatively applied: “Well, you’re a man!”, “A man should earn money!”, “A woman should be a good housewife!”, “Zinochka, make men some tea!”
5. Self-esteem. When we are taken “weakly”: “Someone else is better than you”, “You can’t handle this”, “Can’t you afford it?”
6. Sense of justice. The manipulator calls to stand up for justice, but upon closer examination it turns out that in this way he solves personal problems.
7. Reliability. The manipulator plays on the fact that we are embarrassed to refuse, we are afraid of offending someone, seeming ill-mannered, losing the love or affection of others. He pretends to follow the principle “You give me – I give you”, imposing an unequal exchange.
About expert
Nikita Nepryakhin – Writer, business coach, TV and radio host. Author and presenter of trainings on argumentation and persuasion, public speaking and counteracting manipulation. His .