7 Keys to a Good Impression

You will never get a second chance to make a first impression – says a proverb that has entered our everyday life recently, but managed to become popular. The messages we convey through gestures, gaze and voice can be decisive in the process of communication, which is confirmed by numerous studies. This does not mean that words do not matter. But, oddly enough, less depends on their direct meaning than on the intonation with which we pronounce them. A short guide to optimal behavior.

1. Make casual eye contact

It is unlikely that you want your gaze to be elusive or running. But you should also be wary of the other extreme – looking too closely into the eyes of the interlocutor. Optimal eye contact, as studies show, is established as follows: at the moment when you introduce yourself, look the interlocutor directly into the eyes and smile slightly (you can smile wider if you have already met), then look away (as we usually do when talking with those who we know) and finally look straight into the eyes again. It is better to avoid constant eye-to-eye contact: such a look can be perceived as too bossy, aggressive or too frank.

2. Let your smile convey confidence

It’s not the same as “32 teeth smile”. A smile that is too wide can be perceived as overconfidence, familiarity, or an infantile attitude of submission (“I’m trying to please you”). Whereas a dry, quick smile with pursed lips suggests impatience and hidden arrogance (even if inside we tremble with fear).

You can practice this facial expression in front of a mirror. The back is straight, the look is open, without tension, you extend your hand to the interlocutor, thinking at this time: “I’m fine, everything is going well.” Repeat until you find the correct smile. Practice greeting salespeople in stores, try smiling at strangers in transport, at exhibitions.

3. Shake hands mindfully

It is clear that you should not shake your hand too sluggishly or, conversely, to a crunch in the bones. A good handshake is firm, but not only. In a handshake, as well as in a look and a smile, the intention with which it is done first of all matters. Your goal is to take a position without dominance or submission. As you reach out, put your awareness in your fingers, in your palm, just be present. The handshake is a rather strong symbolic act, it should not be done automatically, it is both a meeting and a message. Try practicing on yourself by shaking your left hand if you’re right-handed, and vice versa if you’re left-handed.

4. Feel big

Tall people often exploit the difference in height. Not only in conflicts, but also in negotiations. Social animals are usually driven by fear (of being eaten) of those who are larger than them. The impression of superiority also affects various human interactions, especially professional ones. The need to raise our eyes to the interlocutor puts us in a position “from below”. The tendency for women in positions of power to wear high heels can also be seen as a way to restore equality. But it is important not to be, but to feel high.

You can visualize yourself as a well-planted, well-rooted tree, majestically spreading its branches and confidently occupying its space. To do this, place your feet firmly on the ground so that they give a solid support to your hips, straighten your shoulders (as if you want to fill your lungs to the maximum) and lift your chin. When communicating, raise your eyes, not your head, to look at the interlocutor. Do not stand face to face, arrange a small distance between you. If possible, sit down. In this position, the difference in height and size is not so noticeable.

5. Work with the tone

A voice that convinces but does not attack, that inspires confidence, is usually chesty and deep. If you have a high voice, you can slightly change the tone. To do this, tilt your head slightly forward, turn your chin slightly to the side. These two tricks help the voice “leave” the upper body. There is another technique that can make the voice deeper and more authoritative: before speaking, swallow, as if you were swallowing a piece of food.

6. Watch for gestures

Gesticulation is not always appropriate. But standing still face to face is also not the best way to impress. Ideally, we should show ourselves as alive, natural and confident at the same time. To understand what space you can use in non-verbal communication, do the exercise: raise your elbows to your sides, arms parallel to the floor.

Imagine a semicircle that goes from one elbow to the other in front of you at chest level. This semicircle is the area where you can gesticulate. Let the gestures be calculated, open, do not allow yourself to wave your arms and build figures with your fingers in the Italian manner. Gestures emphasize important points of speech, but do not depict them. It’s good if your message conveys the following meaning: you know how to occupy your territory and do not invade someone else’s.

7. Consider the speed of speech

You should not scribble like a machine gun – but there is no need to hypnotize the interlocutor either. Too fast speech makes us perceive the other as an insecure person or, worse, an empty talk. Monotonous speech is boring, and the speaker looks like he is too busy with himself or intends to teach others a lesson.

Ideally, speech should be both lively and balanced. It’s like you’re telling a story, giving the other person time and space to express how they feel about the story. Your speech may be interrupted by small pauses (for inspiration or reflection), which also help to emphasize important places. Pay attention to the verbal and non-verbal signals of the interlocutor in order to understand whether to lengthen or shorten the speech, whether to develop a thought or indicate your goals.