What to do, if…? A well-known psychologist helps parents find an approach to children and become wiser.
Firstly, according to my rules, you should not speak more than once. Secondly, the child’s psyche is so arranged that the child can really not hear the first time, so you need to strive to hear. If you have not washed the dishes, which you asked for, then in the morning he receives breakfast in a dirty plate. Lazy to brush your teeth – we pick up the phone or computer without raising our voices. By the way, some adults also may not hear the first time: the myelin sheath responsible for this, enveloping nerve fibers, is formed by the age of 30.
First of all, you need to identify the reason why he answers the question with a lie. Children’s lies have three of them: fear, profit and unmotivated lies when children come up with something that did not exist. Once you establish the reason why the child is doing this, you can eliminate it. Then the son or daughter will cease to be afraid of you. Or it will become unprofitable for him to deceive you. If you can’t find the reason yourself, then I recommend contacting a child psychologist.
If the child has fallen into deuces, your task is, first of all, to take him to a child psychologist and find out why he does not want to study. If the specialist determines that everything is in order, leave him alone. Forget about motivation, intelligent conversations, restrictions – it’s useless. Let non-certification be a matter of his choice, let him stay for a second year. I am sure that he will not want to fall like that, and the child will begin to learn on his own. And it will come out due to the fact that there is nowhere to go. You can also suggest not going to school, but instead switch to home schooling or an external study system. And be sure to inform that, according to the law of the Russian Federation, every citizen is obliged to get an education, otherwise you will have to pay a fine.
From the age of six, children should have pocket money that is not “tied” to either behavior or grades at school. From this age, the child gradually learns to manage money. The amount should be symbolic so that you can buy some small things, at most – a kinder surprise. If he wants to buy something for more than the money you give a week, he will start saving. Thus, the child grows up, forms his desires and notices that you reckon with him. There can be exceptions only if you notice cigarettes or alcohol – then no pocket money.
My answer is this: if you tell your spouse the truth, he will not understand. According to the psychoanalysis of Sigmund Freud, the husband is jealous of his son for his wife. Once at a reception, a woman told the following situation: “The three of us are sitting on the couch, with our husband and three-year-old son, watching TV. And then I notice that he slowly moves towards the child and slowly pushes him off the couch. When a child is on the floor and screams, I understand that my husband did it on purpose. ” This behavior of a man is explained by the fact that the younger generation is stepping on the heels, thereby causing wild irritation. That is, in the subconscious of the father, the son is a growing competitor, while the man is not aware of this. In this case, you need to say: “If you love your son, accept him as he is, despite poor studies, bad habits and strange behavior.”
The belief that it is necessary to preserve the family for the sake of children is not always correct. Whether you can pull this “strap” is up to you, but the child will definitely not benefit from watching scandals and fights between mom and dad. Divorce, of course, is a trauma for a child, he may even feel guilty in this situation, such is his psyche. Therefore, parents together must tell the child that he is not guilty of anything, these are the problems of adults and you will still love him, only you will begin to live separately. There is no need to be a hostage of children in order to avoid further unhealthy relations with them, because later such reproaches may begin: “Yes, I gave you my best years of life, and you would at least call your mother!”
No, neither one nor the other is needed. The child needs to be treated, and abroad: there are no specialists in this area in Russia and some drugs that are successfully treating ADHD all over the world are prohibited. You should not waste time and money on local specialists, half of whom do not even think that this is a diagnosis. The disease is 25 years old and affects 25 percent of the world’s children. Fortunately, it is treated very successfully. You can find a pediatric neuropsychiatrist who will prescribe a course of treatment, and the question of help will close – the child will cope with his studies himself.