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During those year and a half, when the world around us seemed to freeze, it became easier for some people to live. Those who find it difficult to interact with others breathed a sigh of relief and settled more comfortably in their “shells”. But now, when the opportunities for communication have returned, there is a choice: to continue to stay in your “shell” or pump up your communication skills in order to “go out to people”.
1. Get out of the house
Get out in the literal sense of the word – the only way you can start to communicate normally with people. Zooms with colleagues and correspondence with friends do not count. If you were, as they say, a socially shy person even before the pandemic, then the past months, most likely, only aggravated your condition.
Start with what you love: find an interest group or course and join the closest face-to-face event. Of course, taking all the necessary precautions. The more often you go somewhere, the more confident you will feel.
2. Don’t overthink what to say
In fact, the more you think, the more awkward the conversation usually becomes. Throw aside logic and rationality: you need to enjoy communication yourself and broadcast positive to others.
Concentrate not on words, but on sensations in the body – you should feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible, because in a conversation we focus more on the body language of the interlocutor than on what exactly he says.
What exactly can be done?
- To smile. Smile right now and try to feel sad at the same time. Happened? Hardly. What happens to and in the body affects how we feel. Therefore, whenever you are terribly nervous before some kind of meeting and conversation, use a smile as a tool to relax.
- Stay in the momentfeel here and now. Focusing on feelings and what others are saying will allow you to think less about what to say yourself.
- Don’t try to impress others and seem smarter or more successful than you really are. People meet not to compete, but to enjoy communication.
3. Use every opportunity to communicate
Start by talking to random people, or at least exchanging greetings and making eye contact. Say hello to a neighbor in the elevator, exchange a couple of phrases about the weather. Greet and thank the barista, compliment the girl in front of you in line for coffee.
It’s not about annoyingly pestering others with conversations, but about exchanging positive energy. In addition, when you start talking to strangers, you will realize that:
- they don’t bite. For the most part, people are generally quite nice;
- others also need communication. We live in our “bubbles”, keeping our eyes on the screens of smartphones, and a little friendly conversation is always nice;
- small talks, for which, for example, the UK is famous, small talk or “talking about nothing” is the key to success. You should not consider them as a waste of time – they allow you to establish connections with others and create a pleasant atmosphere around you.
4. Work on body language
We have already talked about the need to smile and feel relaxed. What else can be done?
- Straighten your shoulders and lean back in your chair. How did you feel? Probably confident, but relaxed. For contrast, you can try to slouch and listen to the sensations in the body. Working on the pose may seem silly, like trying to smile at your reflection in the mirror, but it works. It is important to turn this into an automatic skill.
- Learn to maintain eye contact. Do not look at the interlocutor too closely, without blinking – try to smile with your eyes and let the other know that you are listening to him.
- Speak more loudly. Tone and volume are very important – someone who mumbles or talks under his breath is usually not very pleasant to communicate with.
- Track the tension in the body and relax. When a social situation excites, disturbs or frightens us, it inevitably reflects on the body. Perhaps your neck or back is tense, you are holding your breath.
5. Focus on others
Being in the moment, smiling, maintaining eye contact, listening to the sensations in the body is very important, but should not distract you from the main thing, from the interlocutor. Do not think about how and what to answer him, try to really hear and understand his experiences. Repeat the words of the interlocutor, paraphrasing them a little to make sure that you correctly grasp the meaning of what was said.
Besides:
- Notice the similarities between you – in views, interests, experience – and convey it to the interlocutor. We like those who are like us.
- Give the interlocutor the opportunity to talk about what he loves: so communication with you will be associated with something pleasant for him.
- Do not push: do not show that you are waiting for an immediate answer or cue. Let your counterpart be silent, breathe, collect his thoughts during pauses in the conversation.
6. Feel free to learn how to communicate
Social skills can be obtained both in special courses and with the help of free videos on YouTube. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There are a lot of training products on the topic of communication, and using them means proving to yourself that this issue is important to you, that you are really ready to work on your communication skills. After all, your personal life and career may be at stake.
7. Be yourself
It would seem that the advice contradicts the meaning of the article, in which we urge you to improve yourself and upgrade your skills. But we’re talking about something else: don’t put on a mask, don’t pretend, don’t try to be someone you’re not. Tell the world who you really are. How will people around you know what your views and values are, what you are passionate about and what you are really good at, if you don’t tell them about it yourself?