7 Differences Between Healthy Relationships and Neurotic Relationships

At the initial stage, all relationships develop like in a fairy tale. A sea of ​​compliments, beautiful courtship and deeds, flowers, gifts, romance … But after a while, especially if the partners decide to move in together or marry, there is no trace of the former magic.

Prince Charming turns into a terrible jealous and miser, controls his girlfriend in everything, decides whether she needs new shoes (“of course not”), and forces her to part with her friends, threatening to break up relations. There is another picture: the alpha male turns into a lazy domestic cat, lies on the couch and waits for his missus to come from her second job and feed her deliciously.

Of course, this doesn’t always happen. However, most couples find themselves in such situations; it has become almost the norm for the union of two adults. But living together in a separate territory does not mean being mature, self-sufficient people. Understanding what this means and how our maturity affects relationships.

Maturity or codependency?

In fact, the handsome prince has always been a jealous and miser, and the alpha male has always been a house cat. But at the beginning of a relationship, we tend to idealize a partner, attribute non-existent qualities to him and turn a blind eye to real, but unsightly features. In addition, all of us – both women and men – strive to show our best side.

But in general, we choose partners that suit us on a subconscious level. Because in our head, for one reason or another, a certain only true model of behavior has developed. It works automatically, although it does not bring happiness or satisfaction. So we obviously enter into a co-dependent relationship, when one partner is under the complete control and influence of the other, or takes full responsibility for living together.

Of course, there is no need to talk about maturity and adult position in this case. In a mature relationship there is no place for jealousy, control and patronage, but there is partnership, mutual respect, personal space and freedom. There are clear signs that can help distinguish a codependent relationship from a mature one.

7 Signs of a Mature Relationship

Persistent feelings for a partner

In a mature relationship, your feelings for your partner are quite stable. They look more like fire in the hearth than fireworks. In neurotic relationships, we are constantly swinging on an emotional swing – when everything is fine, we love our partner, but as soon as a quarrel happens, love is replaced by irritation and even hatred. At the same time, we are not talking about the fact that a mature union is boring. In it, an intense experience of a variety of emotions is possible, but at the same time, a basic respectful attitude towards oneself and a partner is maintained.

High level of motivation and resource

In a mature relationship, you feel enough motivation and resource for the development of both your personal and the couple as a whole. Your circle of contacts and interests is expanding. You begin to understand your life goals more clearly and more confidently achieve them. The partner feels the same way, while you both respect each other’s aspirations, although they may not coincide. In the case of a co-dependent relationship, one person may deliberately discourage the other from any desire to develop in order not to allow him to grow – both personally and out of a couple. A variety of manipulations are used – resentment, threats, depreciation of skills and personal qualities, underestimation of self-esteem.

Space for conflict resolution

In a mature relationship, each of the partners is ready to devote time and effort to hear the opinion of the other, without losing himself, without ignoring his needs, but still striving to find the most suitable solution for both. In neurotic relationships, conflicts become an “emotional storm” in which landmarks are lost and there are no winners. Living through a surge of feelings and resentment, the couple returns to their previous state, without discussing and resolving the cause of the conflict.

Yes, trust. No to excessive control

Mature, holistic partners trust each other in everything. Not only in terms of sexual fidelity, but in general. They trust the other as a person who is able to make the right decision and make the right choice. Consequently, there is no need to control each other’s every step and to make their own changes and adjustments everywhere. If you seek to subjugate another or feel such impulses on his part in relation to yourself, this is a sign of codependence.

Health and wellness

In a neurotic relationship, psychosomatic symptoms are activated. If next to your partner you feel a constant decline in strength, and perhaps you start to get sick, this may be a sign of codependency. Indeed, in such a union there are always unspoken grievances and unlived emotions that the body tries to bring out with the help of physical symptoms.

Peppercorn

Jealousy, in small amounts, can be the “seasoning” of a mature relationship. As a rule, adult, solid partners trust each other, are aware of the boundaries of what is permitted, and perceive flirting in advance as part of a game known only to them. Such practices perfectly renew feelings and refresh passion in a couple. But if jealousy is excessive, leads to outbursts of aggression or physical violence, such a relationship is definitely not healthy.

Ease

In a mature relationship, you feel light and free. At the same time, lightness does not fall on you from the sky. This is the result of conscious interaction and the development of skills to constructively work through complexities, mismatches in a couple, when both partners respect each other’s preferences and values.

Which partners to choose and which relationships to enter into is the choice of each person. A mature relationship is the type of union that people who take an adult, active life position strive for. They want and are ready to enjoy life and realize that this is the result of their efforts and actions.

Yes, mature relationships require a certain amount of strength, energy, involvement in what is happening. You can’t let them take their own course, you need to constantly work on them, develop them. But satisfaction from one’s life, trust, respect, common interests and vivid emotions with a partner are worth these efforts.

And before you start building mature relationships, you need to work on yourself, your beliefs, blocks, directives. You need to constantly develop and be a self-sufficient person who can easily cope alone and does not need support, support, but consciously chooses a partner from the position “I want to be with you, because I feel good with you.”