Contents
Of course, there are many more such books. And yet: where is it better to start your acquaintance with psychology for someone who is not going to devote his life to this science? Anyone who discovers the world of human relationships and wants to better understand themselves and their loved ones?
We asked the psychotherapist Ekaterina Mikhailova to compile a list in such a way that they included books on self-development, on child and family psychology, on social relations and relationship problems in a couple. Here’s what she got.
1. “Games people play”
Eric Byrne, Exmo, 2016
The classic work by American psychologist Eric Berne, which shows what motives lie behind our usual interaction. According to Berne, each of us, entering into contact with others, is in one of three ego states: Adult, Parent and Child. The author considers various options for social interaction, the scenarios that we usually choose, and helps to learn to distinguish these ego states in ourselves and use them effectively in communication. As a result, you better understand yourself and build more harmonious relationships with others, both in the personal and professional spheres.
2. “The so-called evil”
Konrad Lorenz, Cultural Revolution, 2008
Biologist and psychologist, Nobel Prize winner Konrad Lorenz devoted about fifty years of his life to the study of animal and human behavior. In this book we are talking about aggression, that is, the instinct to fight against fellow species, in animals and in humans. Exploring the evolutionary roots of aggression, Lorenz proves that this is an important condition for human survival. And the best human qualities grow out of the need to direct the energy of natural aggressiveness into a constructive channel. Creativity, friendship, love, a sense of humor and a sense of beauty are all converted forms of aggression. The book became a milestone in the development of psychology and anthropology.
3. “Family and how to survive in it”
Robin Skinner, John Cleese, Class, 2016
Systemic family therapist Robin Skinner and comedian John Cleese have a light, engaging conversation about the mechanics of the family. They reflect on why even a happy couple finds it difficult, where family problems come from, and how children “inherit” them. We cannot rewrite our history, personal or otherwise. Injuries exist, and their consequences “sound” for more than one generation. But we can try to understand our family history, and the process itself, in which understanding is always preceded by feeling, changes a lot. This book helps to establish connections between your past and future, to argue with something, and to try on some ideas of the authors and rethink something in your life.
4. “Goddesses in every woman”, “Gods in every man”
Gene Shinoda Bolen, Sofia, 2008
Jungian analysis takes our self-image beyond the scope of a personal biography. It allows you to see something more in each individual person – the cultural context, the collective unconscious, the archetypal. Unlike approaches that interpret character and, as a result, biography in one and only one plane, the archetypal “map” of Jin Shinoda Bolen, based on the well-known pantheon of Greek mythology, allows free combinations, changes in the ratio of influences of different archetypes – in general, complex and developing pattern. The pleasure that can be obtained by considering oneself and one’s surroundings from this angle fully compensates for any effort spent while reading – after all, not everyone grew up on the “Legends and Myths of Ancient Greece” by Nicholas Kun and on the “Myths of the Peoples of the World”.
5. “Psychogeneology”
Ann Schutzenberger, Psychotherapy Institute Press, 2010
Traditional genealogy collects and systematizes facts about previous generations of the family. Psychogenealogy uses this data to understand the character and behavior of our ancestors and to identify those events of the past that have a decisive influence on our present. Its goal is to help us discover what can be passed down from generation to generation: recurring events, family secrets… Psychotherapist Ann Anselin Schutzenberger, the creator of this unique method of restoring family memory, clearly describes the mechanism of transgenerational transmission of experience, including traumatic experience. She writes about the importance of “burying the past,” “mourning it,” in order to resume one’s own life, rather than repeating traumatic events for generations.
6. “The drama of a gifted child and the search for one’s own self”
Alice Miller, Academic Project, 2016
A tough story about childhood, which many (even those who grew up in more or less prosperous families) feel as a time of vulnerability, as a period of risks. A “gifted” child is rather a special case and exfortiori proof, we are talking about much more common and familiar to everyone stories in which the road leading to a known place is paved with the good intentions of parents and educators, and society is even interested in its own way in so that more and more children pass through it. A sobering fly in the ointment in pathos or sentimental discussions about parent-child relationships, in which the word is always given to only one side. Another will tell her version in the therapist’s office – over time and with luck.
7. “Secret support. Attachment in a child’s life
Lyudmila Petranovskaya, AST, 2017
Not “developing methods”, but close, trusting relationships with parents give children the best start in life. This is the “secret support” for any person, which allows you to create the core of the personality and largely determines the rest of your life. Developmental psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya talks about how a reliable attachment is formed between close people, and helps parents understand the logic of the development of their relationship with a child, separate the important from the secondary, and make the right decisions in controversial situations. This kind of guide to relationships will be useful to everyone – regardless of whether you yourself have become parents or not.
About expert
Ekaterina Mikhailova – psychodrama therapist, member of the International Association of Group Psychotherapy and Group Processes (IAGP), author of several books, among them “I am alone at home, or Vasilisa’s Spindle” (Klass, 2014).