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There is a belief that over the years, sex with the same partner becomes boring, loses its freshness and sharpness. But it is also true that long-term relationships allow us to fully reveal our sexuality. And they give sensations for which you can sacrifice novelty.
Is it possible to discover new facets in a partner and keep the sharpness of the first nights after years of living together? Experts are sure yes. So what are the benefits of having sex in a long-term relationship?
1. We know each other
The path to good sex can take years. Changing partners often means having to start all over again.
“In a one-night stand or short-lived romance, sex is like a performance on the road,” says sex therapist Mike Lausada. – You try to show the best, but do not reach real intimacy with a partner. And the excitement prevents you from relaxing and completely surrendering to the sensations.
In long-term relationships, stress goes away (we get used to waking up next to the same person). All our vulnerabilities and angularities, which we initially try to disguise, sooner or later will become visible. “Once we weaken our defenses, it’s time to explore and discover,” the expert adds.
2. We can experiment
“Trust is especially important when it comes to sex,” says psychotherapist Simon Jacobs. The more you trust your partner, the easier it is to be yourself. This can be done only by freeing yourself from prohibitions and modesty.
An ongoing relationship provides that level of security that allows you to open up without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. In addition, you can always discuss your desires and agree on boundaries.
3. We can do it quickly
When we have done this hundreds of times, each new intimacy is no longer as exciting as in the first months after the start of a relationship. But that has its own beauty – we can not take sex too seriously. And do it when you want, without a preliminary plan, romantic atmosphere and inner mood.
4. … And secretly from others
Children appear, and we are no longer so free to choose the time and place for having sex. You need to seize the moment and be inventive, and you can also find pleasure in this.
“You know that children go to a tutor every Sunday, and you look forward to when the door closes behind them and the whole house is at your disposal,” emphasizes psychotherapist Christine Weber. – You seem to be again in the role of teenagers who are forced to hide from their parents. It’s exciting.”
5. We remember each other in the best shape.
With age, we see changes in our body and understand that it is no longer so attractive. But the benefit of a permanent relationship is also that changes in the appearance of a partner are not so conspicuous.
This does not mean that we consciously try to ignore the wrinkles and scars on the body of a loved one, says psychotherapist Wendy Bristow. Here the peculiarity of our memory operates to create an image of a person from our feelings for him, and not from current information. I have often heard older men say: “She is still that charming girl whom I once fell in love with.”
6. We discover true intimacy
“You can have wild sex with a stranger, but then you go back to an empty house and it’s not so great,” says Christine Weber. “Most of the women I’ve come across in my practice end up craving to find someone they can not only have an orgasm with, but also chat with, fool around with, share their secrets with.”
When sex is based on what psychologists call genuine, authentic love, when physical pleasure is inseparable from sensual affection, we get much more from it.
7. We go through all the problems together
“I have worked with couples who have experienced both prostate cancer and breast cancer together,” says Emma Waring, a psychosexual therapist, “and they are wonderful examples of a family team.
They went through a period where they couldn’t have sex because it was too painful, and besides, those parts of the body that previously brought them pleasure no longer worked and did not look the way they used to. But they got through it because they want to have sex.
When you are young, you have a lot of sexual energy and the body listens to you, but be prepared for the fact that this will not always be the case. If you have a partner who loves and supports you, you are more likely to face the challenges that life brings and eventually find new sources of pleasure you never knew you had.”