6 useful books about divorce

1. Divorce Recovery by Bruce Fisher, Robert Alberti

A detailed, in-depth study of the feelings of a person experiencing a breakup with a partner. American psychotherapist Bruce Fisher describes in detail, step by step, the process of rehabilitation, returning to life after the relationship is over. Denial, fear, adaptation, loneliness, friendship, guilt are the first steps (there are 19 in total) on this path. And each is dedicated to a separate chapter of this special book.

The founder of family therapy, Virginia Satir, in the preface advises not to read this world-renowned bestseller, but to work with it, moving forward a few steps, and then take a step back. That is, allow yourself to spend as much time as necessary for the divorce process. And so, gradually, from a married person, become one who is divorced, and then one who is completely free, who is able to realize his life potential.

Perhaps this book is one of the best practical guides for those who experience divorce as a catastrophe, as a painful loss and need help. It was prepared for publication (after the death of Bruce Fisher) by his colleague Robert Alberti. (Future of the earth, 2008)

Quote: “It can be very difficult to unravel the strong emotional bonds that remain after your union has broken up. And yet, it is important to stop putting endless emotions (and energy) into this already dead connection.

2. “The troubles of divorce and ways to overcome them” Helmut Figdor

This is not about the separation of a man and a woman in general, but about the disintegration of a family in which there is a child. Austrian psychoanalyst Helmut Figdor helps parents to become aware of their emotions and feelings that their children are experiencing, suggests how to establish contact between the child and both parents and at the same time avoid conflicts. A separate chapter is devoted to the complex relationship of a child with a stepfather or stepmother. (Moscow Psychological and Social Institute, 2006)

Quote: “It is not divorce itself that leads to consequences that are detrimental to the child (for its further development), but the divorce that is not fully completed … Successfully overcoming a divorce is much more than “limiting damage”.

3. “Gap. Why relationships end and how to get over a breakup.” Daphne Rose Kingma

How do you know if a relationship is really over? How to give up illusions, stop blaming a partner (or ourselves) and survive the loneliness that we did not choose? How to return that part of yourself that was enslaved by the relationship?

This book is somewhat reminiscent of instructions for the proper treatment of yourself and your (almost former) lover at the end of a relationship. American psychotherapist Daphne Rose Kingma describes the stages of this process and suggests how to go through them painlessly. (AST, Astrel, 2005)

Quote: “When a relationship ends, you want to forget that you were in love in order to reduce the pain that you feel now. But this is self-deception. To “let go” of a relationship, you have to experience it again, from the very beginning, from the moment you fell in love.”

4. Divorce for Dummies by John Ventura, Mary Read

Dealing with the psychological difficulties of a breakup is not the strong point of this book, written by lawyer John Ventura and relationship consultant Mary Reed. But it should be opened to those who would like to soberly and correctly go through all the stages of the divorce process, from filing an application to the division of property and determining the amount of alimony.

Emotions often prevent us – especially women – from finding the right arguments in negotiations with an ex-spouse in order to protect personal property and defend the interests of a child. This legal guide can provide real, practical help. (Dialectics, 2009)

Quote: “If the spouse (wife) is firmly opposed to divorce, then he (she) will never be ready to sit down at the table and discuss the terms of the divorce. Controversial issues will have to be submitted to the court.

5. How to Keep Love in Your Marriage by John Gottman, Nan Silver

Yes, you should believe the title, this book is not about divorce. But family therapist and founder of the Institute for Relationship Studies, John Gottman, wrote a remarkable chapter in it about “how to know when it’s time to break up.”

A staunch supporter of marriage, Gottman nevertheless admits that in some circumstances it is better for partners to separate. And he describes these circumstances in detail. And they are accompanied by a test for self-examination, which will show how strong the relationship is in a couple. (Peter, 2014)

Quote: “Whether or not your relationship has ended… can be seen by how consistently negative their story is as presented by the couple. Either partners focus on the good times and successes, or their failures.”

6. “History of divorces” Oleg Ivik

Anyone who perceives modern divorce as the collapse of the institution of the family, this book will partly reassure: in essence, nothing new is happening. “Divorce is probably almost as old as marriage,” wrote Voltaire. “Although I suppose marriage is a week or two older.” The authors readily agree with him. Oleg Ivik is the collective pseudonym of Olga Kolobova, journalist and amateur archaeologist, and Valery Ivanov, programmer and amateur historian.

In any case, the first divorce, they say, took place between the ancient Egyptian gods. The earthly Egyptians did not lag behind, despite the fact that they were allowed polygamy. So, from ancient times and lands, the authors bring history almost to the present day, recalling both the unhappy marriage of Anna Karenina and the short marriage of Ostap Bender to Madame Gritsatsuyeva. Easy and very informative read. (Text, 2010)

Quote: “In terms of the number of legal wives and divorces, not a single Roman emperor surpassed Karin, who lived in the third century: he married and divorced nine wives in succession. Moreover, he divorced them mainly when they were pregnant.