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When we fall in love, we expect love to be the answer to all questions and the solution to all problems. That the partner will understand us without words and will never offend us. That in a relationship everything will happen by itself – after all, we love each other. Alas, such expectations do not lead to anything good.
1. Relationships don’t have to work
Whoever was the one who first said that everything would be easy with that same person, he was wrong. Relationships always require work and investment. The work is to study the other person, listen to their needs, try not to put pressure on the patient, learn to compromise. Resolve conflicts, reconcile, build joint plans for the future, taking into account the interests of both parties.
In some respects, this work is faster and less painful – as a rule, this happens if you and your partner have similar values uXNUMXbuXNUMXband views on life – but difficulties always arise, and you need to be prepared for this.
2. The “same” person will intuitively guess how to love you.
No. We are all too different, we have different experiences, different traumas and ideas about what love is. And if we want the relationship to last for a long time, it’s time to learn how to be as honest and direct as possible about our desires, even if it seems that this kills all romance.
Most likely, the partner will not say those same words and will not make the same gift or gesture without your prompting, and that’s okay! This does not mean that he does not love you – it means that you are not being specific enough. Real mature love is not a story about chic bouquets and romantic candlelit dinners, but about the willingness of partners to be honest and open, to listen and hear each other.
3. One love is enough to make it work
Love is a great starting point, but in a long-term relationship, the conscious voluntary actions of both partners are equally important. What is needed is stability, understanding, a willingness to compromise, a desire to grow (individually and as a couple). And if most of these components are missing, a long-term healthy union is unlikely to succeed.
4. Another person is responsible for our feelings
As mentioned earlier, it is important to listen to the other and analyze how our actions may affect him, but blaming each other for feeling bad is a sign of not very healthy relationships and emotional immaturity.
Emotions are extremely subjective. And even if we try to be as careful as possible with each other, there is still a chance to accidentally hurt a loved one. And, in the end, if we are systematically offended, we always have a choice: leave everything as it is, work through our problems or find someone who will understand us better.
5. A loved one is able to heal our wounds.
Many of us have had our hearts broken. Betrayed, abandoned. Some have been victims of abuse and other forms of toxic relationships. This forced for some time to put an end to his personal life. But then, when we met another person, we began to hope that he would help us recover.
But this is not his responsibility, but ours. Only we ourselves are able to carry out the inner work, on our own or with the support of a specialist, in order to start trusting people again and open our hearts to love.
6. You can save each other with love
Especially from yourself? No. If a person is not at ease with himself, no, even the strongest love on the part of a partner is not able to change this. Because love is no substitute for professional help. It will not solve all problems, although it will make life richer and more beautiful.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to understand that love alone is not enough. Especially our love. Recognize that the other person needs much more than we can give them. We can support each other along the way, but the main steps will have to be done on our own.