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We all seem to know how to recognize a true narcissist. True, many narcissists are smart enough to disguise themselves well. You can be friends with such a person for years, not even guessing who is in front of us, and not understanding how these relationships harm us.
1. He is constantly in the position of the victim
Such a person is never satisfied – there is always something that makes him unhappy and makes him suffer. And this state is not feigned: recent research confirms that the key to understanding the nature of narcissism is not an “inflated ego” at all, but a sense of vulnerability, insecurity inherent in such people.
However, instead of doing something to change the situation and stop feeling vulnerable, such people turn into chronic victims. They demand attention and care from others, expect others to solve their problems, and sincerely believe that their suffering is unique.
And you, as a friend of the narcissist, most likely really empathize with him and strive to help. And you feel absolutely terrible leaving the narcissist alone and even more so leaving the relationship with him.
2. He often blames you for something.
…and you feel guilty even though you didn’t do anything wrong. You are ashamed if you choose yourself. And if you don’t drop everything and don’t rush to the rescue.
Also, a narcissist friend is a master of the art of gaslighting: he manipulates you, makes you doubt reality and your own adequacy, denying the facts and assuring you that you made it all up.
3. He acts passive-aggressive
Many of us act like this at least once in a while when we’re tired, exhausted, or on edge, but it’s a way for the narcissist to dominate others. Considering himself special, the narcissist believes that he should get whatever he wants and has the right to “punish” anyone who disagrees with him or questions his authority.
A narcissist friend most likely finds it possible to play tough jokes on you in front of others and assert himself in every possible way at your expense.
4. He is sensitive to criticism.
Of course, not all of us who are hurt by criticism are narcissists: we all get hurt if others, for example, speak negatively about the results of our work. However, the narcissist takes absolutely all statements personally, takes even generalized comments to heart, and at the same time is completely unprepared to change and develop – in his opinion, he is already perfection itself.
The narcissist prefers to tell others about how good and competent he is, rather than proving it in action. And, as mentioned earlier, his favorite way to rise up is to bring others down.
5. He is emotionally deaf
Have you ever had a friend take care of you, your physical or psychological state? Came to help, supported? If not, it’s worth considering: you may be friends with a narcissist.
The attention of such a person is always focused on himself: his problems, desires, plans, future. He is hardly even interested in what you want to achieve in life, what you dream about, what you are going through now. Communication with him is always a one-sided game. Because you are not equal to a narcissist, not a close person, but only a means to achieve goals.
And at the same time, the narcissist cannot stand the neglect of his problems and, when he feels bad, does not allow himself to be left alone.
6. He does not feel the boundaries of others
Especially if you do not give him what he expects from you. You must be in touch 24 hours, 7 days a week, drop your business and rush at the first call. At the same time, this state of affairs is formed gradually, naturally and imperceptibly, and before you realize that you are completely “absorbed” and you have lost your autonomy, it takes quite a long time.
And of course, the narcissist will not allow you to be happier or more successful than him – in this case, he will pull you back to himself, to his own level. He must always be one step ahead of you in everything.
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Almost every one of us has narcissistic character traits, but a real narcissist is categorically incapable of working on himself and taking on at least some responsibility. He does not want and cannot invest in relationships and care about others and their feelings.
The only way to interact with it is to build and maintain rigid boundaries. However, in this case, the narcissist friend will most likely lose interest in you soon.