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Determining the emotional immaturity of another person is not so easy, especially in the early stages of a relationship with him: usually it does not appear until a few months after meeting. A few tips will help you start paying attention to warning signals faster.
We are accustomed to consider as manifestations of emotional immaturity only those cases when an adult behaves like a child, cannot cope with feelings, and his communication with others suffers from this.
Such a person can behave selfishly or closed, envy others, blame them. The problem is that immaturity can take other forms.
1. Blame shifting
The ability to apologize is not the strongest feature of such partners. But they are great at turning everything upside down and making you feel guilty simply for expressing your point of view or adequately responding to their behavior.
Not wanting to listen to arguments, such a person can simply slam the door, go into another room and put on headphones. And when, after asking him ten times to turn off the sound and talk to you, you take off his headphones, he will accuse you of raising your hand to him, forcing you to forget about the original reason for the quarrel.
Somewhere deep inside, emotionally immature people understand that they are wrong, but do not admit it even to themselves. In order not to take responsibility for their words and actions, they focus on your reaction to their behavior.
2. Passive-aggressive communication
This is their forte. Imagine the situation: a friend invites your couple to a birthday party, for example, to complete a quest. Initially, the partner enthusiastically agrees, but on the appointed day, half an hour before leaving the house, he says that the week turned out to be difficult and there is no mood at all. You complain that he did not say earlier, because they are counting on you, and in response you hear: “Thank you for understanding. Now it’s clear who is more important to you.”
The question is not only in what words and in what tone the partner speaks. Instead of being honest right away, “You know, this is the only day I can really rest, so I’ll probably stay at home,” he or she saves the explanation for the very last moment.
3. Using words that hurt
Emotionally immature people, as a rule, have a rather difficult time coping with emotions, and therefore they usually intentionally hurt the interlocutor with words. “Mentally ill”, “unbalanced”, “all like a mother” – you can hear something different from them.
4. Controlling behavior
They consider themselves entitled to know literally everything about a loved one, including with whom he communicates on social networks, but often do not talk about it directly, but dress their demands in a playful form.
5. Jealousy
Of course, not only these people are subject to this feeling from time to time, but the latter experience it constantly. You don’t even have to give them reasons for jealousy – they will create them themselves, literally take them out of thin air.
6. The desire to be the center of the world for a partner
It is known that it is useful for partners to spend time apart – to take care of themselves, their own affairs and hobbies. This strengthens the relationship and reduces tension in the couple. But in the case of an emotionally immature partner, you don’t have that option. Such a person wants to be a priority for you always – 24/7, 365 days a year.
On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with this in general. On the other hand, it usually crosses all boundaries – he or she demands that you push friends, family and hobbies into the background.
No one is perfect, everyone happens to be immature sometimes. Our fears, traumas, and feelings of vulnerability sometimes make us behave like children. However, if we are not even aware of it and do not try to work with it, such behavior can harm our relationship.