Contents
- 1. They respect each other’s needs for attention, acceptance, and love.
- 2. They mostly see the good in each other.
- 3. They don’t get stuck in their own feelings.
- 4. They know how to look at the situation through the eyes of a partner.
- 5. They even fight kindly
- 6. In addition to love, there is a deep friendship between them.
What distinguishes truly happy couples? Perhaps the partners in them are smarter than the rest? Richer? Spending more time together? Do they have more common interests? Not necessarily. Just like everyone else, they sometimes quarrel, but a high level of emotional intelligence (EQ) helps them stay together. How is it shown?
According to relationship expert John Gottman, EQ is a “surprisingly simple secret” to happiness in a couple, which can pretty accurately determine whether people will be good together. Emotional intelligence refers to our ability to track our own emotions, express them in a healthy way, and manage them.
In relationships, EQ affects many things: communication, the level of trust, intimacy and the ability to resolve conflicts – and if partners have it low, then any disagreements will inevitably result in quarrels, the gap between people will only increase, and anxiety will increase.
This is because people with low EQ find it difficult to recognize and express their own feelings, so they either close in on themselves, or suddenly explode, or both alternately. If both partners are like this, their relationship is like a tango in a minefield.
But why are some of us lucky with a high level of emotional intelligence, while others are not? This indicator is due to our innate temperament, the style of attachment to parents in the early stages of life and the environment that we had in childhood.
The good news is that emotional skills can and should be “pumped” – alone or together with a loved one. So what makes high EQ partners different?
1. They respect each other’s needs for attention, acceptance, and love.
They, like everyone else, have a lot of cases, burning deadlines and distractions, and yet they notice when a partner needs contact with them, and respond to this need. Such people say “yes” more often than “no”.
This does not mean that they will sacrifice themselves and their interests, but they will definitely try to be with a partner, console, cheer him up and make him at least a little happier. They take steps towards each other, not in opposite directions.
2. They mostly see the good in each other.
When people live together for a long time, they often begin to notice even the smallest flaws in each other, and then reproach for them. Partners with high EQ see each other’s best traits and qualities, not obsessing over mistakes and flaws.
3. They don’t get stuck in their own feelings.
Emotional intelligence lies, among other things, in the ability to adequately respond to a stressful situation and express your feelings carefully, so as not to hurt your partner.
Partners with high EQ do not allow their own emotions to cloud the mind and distort the true picture of what is happening. But if you always follow the feelings, an inadequate reaction is inevitable, and this will gradually harm the relationship.
4. They know how to look at the situation through the eyes of a partner.
Most of us think that we can do it too, but in fact, in the midst of a quarrel, many think only about defending themselves and their point of view. Emotionally “pumped” partners accurately feel when the other is having a hard time, and show empathy for him.
They actively listen, digest information, and their further behavior confirms that they really understood the other.
5. They even fight kindly
Partners with low EQ are sure that in a quarrel, as in a war, all means are good: they strive to hurt each other more painfully, recall the long-forgotten and rarely apologize or do it formally, insincerely.
Partners with high emotional intelligence also quarrel, but never stoop to sarcasm, humiliation or devaluation. They don’t shower each other with an icy shower of silence, they don’t use sex as a weapon, and they don’t get personal. Even swearing, they remember that they love each other and want to be together.
6. In addition to love, there is a deep friendship between them.
They are good friends: everyone is interested in how the other’s day went, they are ready to listen to each other’s experiences, doubts and innermost secrets, and they can also laugh heartily together. This does not mean that they always do everything together, moreover, a partner can even annoy them sometimes, but they know for sure that they would not want to see anyone else around.