6 rules to help a stepfather make friends with a child

“The more attention you pay to the relationship at the beginning, the fewer unpleasant surprises lie ahead.” It is very important to understand what role a woman invites a man to a family: to the role of husband, partner or father for the child? Tell your child that you have a new man, preferably when you are already confident in your relationship with him. And if you’ve really decided that you want to be a couple, then go for it. But act consistently and slowly.

It is better to start acquaintance on neutral territory. It can be a trip out of town, a trip to the cinema, a cafe, a walk in the park. A relaxed atmosphere will relieve tension. Warn the child in advance that there will be a person you like very much with you, tell a little about him. You don’t have to say a lot, don’t overload your child with unnecessary information. Suggest calling him by name will make the task easier for both. Do not push the child into a relationship, it is important that he himself regulates the distance and speed of approach. It is better to meet for a while on neutral territory, then invite the man to visit. And only then talk about living together.

Often it is not easy for a woman to raise a child alone. And with the appearance of a man in the family, she begins to attract him for education, involuntarily inviting him to the role of her father. Unfortunately, this can only alienate the child from his stepfather, in the worst case, cause hatred. In case of conflict, ask your chosen one how he sees this situation from the outside. Tell him how to support you without attacking the child with claims. Believe me, this will help maintain good relations between two people dear to you.

Stepfather is not a father. He is a mother’s man, a partner, looking at whom the child will learn the relationship between a man and a woman, between an adult and a little one, and rely on this experience in the future. It’s no secret that good relationships can only be built on trust. So don’t be afraid to tell your kids the truth. Even if the baby is still young, he has the right to know that he has a biological father. Children are able to accept the reality in which they are, with the correct support of adults. And deception, the mother’s unwillingness to speak can cause anxiety and distrust.

Leave the child the right to see the father. It is important that he has good ideas about his own dad. Remember the pleasant moments from the past: how you met the father of your son or daughter, for which you fell in love with him. If the child asks why they broke up, they will have to tell the truth. But don’t go into details. The younger the child, the shorter the answer should be: “Your dad was young and not ready to have a family,” “He left for another city,” or something like that.

If the family order is not violated, the child knows the truth about his own father, it will be easier for him to accept his stepfather. Do not make your child fall in love with a stranger, just as a stepfather is not obliged to love your child. It will be enough if they can be friends!

The appearance of a new person in the family is a kind of crisis. It will not be possible to live in the old way, but how to live in a new way is still unknown. We’ll have to redraw internal boundaries, reckon with the fact that a new person has appeared in the family. For example: before the baby could sleep with his mother, but now he needs it separately. Previously, my toys were here, and now Uncle Sasha’s books.

Crisis moments in life, as a rule, are accompanied by great anxiety and the experience of various emotions: jealousy, fear, anger, sadness, despair. It is very important to allow the child to experience these feelings. If you give them a way out, sooner or later you will notice how your baby will calm down and accept new changes. Adults only need to have a little patience.

Sometimes, to make friends with a child, a benevolent attitude is enough. But children are different, and it is important to remember some age characteristics. If a child of preschool and primary school age is growing up in the family, the best way to make friends with him is to play together. Offer your participation when the child is passionate, or organize yourself. It can be mobile, role-playing games, assembly of the constructor. It is enough to remember your childhood and show a little imagination. Children of this age like to spend a lot of time with their parents: joint walks, going to the movies and more.

On the other hand, adolescents are very sensitive to their boundaries, prefer to spend time alone, and do not tolerate invasion of personal space. You can look for an approach to such a child through his hobbies: what does he read, what kind of music does he listen to? Surely there are some common interests that will help you get closer. But do not replace personal attention to him with gifts – sincere and genuine interest in the child, in his life, will cause much more confidence in you.