A teenager’s mood changes a hundred times a day. Many parents simply do not understand what to do with the child, they are afraid of violent emotions and, out of fear, begin to deny them. How to communicate with teenagers in order to look into their souls and at the same time not lose their respect?
Teenagers rush from one extreme to another, their “love” can turn into “hate” in a few minutes. Parents in this situation are somewhat similar to people who have experienced mental trauma. Here is a teenager angry, sad, annoyed, worried or afraid. When mom or dad asks, “What happened?”, the child often tests their reaction by answering “yes, nothing” or something similar.
They continue persistent questions, and finally he “gives in”. At this moment, strong emotions overcome him and he can stop controlling himself. Parents are afraid that things can go even further, and out of fear they stop responding to the teenager’s complaints (the same emotional “numbness” often occurs in survivors of mental trauma).
He, seeing that they do not hear and do not understand him, falls into a real hysteria, trying to “get through” to his parents. The situation is rapidly deteriorating. What can parents do to avoid “emotional deafness”?
Here are 6 rules for dealing with “difficult” teenagers.
1. Ask more questions. Even when the teenager has already, it would seem, told everything about his problems, he probably withheld at least one important detail.
If you are as informed as possible, you will not be tempted to speculate, which can easily turn into false accusations. Even one erroneous conclusion can ruin a relationship with a son or daughter.
2. Listen more, talk less. Let your teen talk. At the same time, try to speak less yourself. If he is a closed person by nature, this will help him open up a little. He will also feel that you value his opinion.
Seeing your sincere interest, he is more likely to listen to your advice. Remember that the purpose of parenting is to fully prepare the child for adulthood. It is very important what example you set for him.
3. Remember that your relationship is more important than his success. In adolescence, the load on the child increases in all areas of his life (study, sports, relationships with peers, hobbies). Teachers, friends, coaches, tutors now demand much more from him.
Not all teenagers easily endure such pressure. During this period, more than ever, it is important for them to firmly know that their parents are on their side and are ready to forgive them for inevitable mistakes.
Instead of treating your teen like a child, try to build healthy adult relationships with them.
The consequences of the failure itself (didn’t turn in the task on time, was late for the match, failed the performance, etc.) is quite a sufficient punishment, parents do not need to add anything else. Instead of treating your teen like a child, try to build a healthy adult relationship with them.
4. Be consistent in your requirements. Adolescents are very good at noticing any manifestation of inconsistency at all levels (at home, at school, in society and in the world as a whole).
At this age, critical thinking skills are born and begin to rapidly develop, which are extremely important in adult life (in school, at work, in relationships). If parents forbid a teenager to show discontent, and they themselves do not hesitate to show their negative emotions, they will quickly lose his respect.
First of all, parents should set an example of healthy behavior by their example: not be afraid to admit their mistakes and adequately respond to criticism.
5. Try to understand what is going on in his soul. It is completely normal and natural for teenagers to want to experiment, changing their appearance, circle of friends, interests.
Now is the time for him to understand himself and understand where his place is. It would be much better if he did it now. In 30-40 years, it will be much more difficult to solve the problem. You should not attach special importance to his appearance, which changes after fashion. Try to look into his soul and understand what kind of person he becomes.
This is not an easy task, because many teenagers try to appear as severe cynics, although this is just a form of self-defense. Others deliberately challenge their parents by provoking them with their appearance or behavior, testing their reactions.
As hard as it is, it’s important to show your teen that you will always love him, no matter what happens. This is what teenagers appreciate the most. It is better to calmly acknowledge your differences rather than criticize him for any reason.
6. Pay attention to his dreams and aspirations. This is often not easy, because teenagers are so windy and changeable.
Often, parents see themselves in their children and project their own dreams and desires onto them. But moralizing like “I was just like you and I know what you need to do” does not benefit anyone.
We are all unique in our own way, with our own set of talents and personalities. To help a teenager find his own way in life, we will have to forget about our expectations and dreams and give the grown-up child the opportunity to discover for himself what will be interesting for him.