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The “candy-bouquet” period in a relationship is wonderful. Butterflies in the stomach. Emotions run high. The sex is amazing. But little by little you get used to each other. Novelty and sharpness of sensations give way to comfort, coziness and joint viewing of serials. However, some couples maintain the flame of passion for many years. How do they do it?
We were not taught this as children. However, the truth is that healthy and happy relationships do not develop by themselves – you need to work on them, throwing firewood on the fire of passion and love every day and not letting it die out. And to do this, it is important to be able to communicate with each other.
In happy couples, people know how important it is to be able to express their feelings, talk about fears, desires and needs. If this is not the way of your family, at first such open and deep communication will be difficult. Here are some questions that might help.
1. “What would you like to receive from me?”
Each of us has our own needs and requirements, but, unfortunately, not everyone knows how to voice them. If this is not done clearly and distinctly enough, there is a high risk that the partner will not hear you – or you yourself will miss important information past your ears. A direct question will help to avoid quarrels, insults and misunderstandings. After hearing the answer, you can think together about how to start meeting each other’s needs, which will ultimately benefit your relationship.
2. “What do you need outside of our relationship?”
We cannot and should not meet 100% of each other’s needs. And in healthy couples, they know how important it is for everyone to have their own life outside of the family. It is necessary to continue to meet with friends, to make time for your hobbies – this is ultimately only better for the relationship.
3. “What do you think about our relationship?”
Once a week, once a month, once every six months – find the frequency of the “inventory” of the relationship that will suit both of you. Choose a time and place for a detailed conversation so that no one disturbs you.
It happens that we or the partner feel vague anxiety or dissatisfaction, but somehow the right moment to talk about it somehow does not come. Plan this conversation ahead of time. Be prepared to hear constructive criticism and doubts, deal with them without judgment, and think together about what to do next.
4. “How can we improve our sex life?”
It has long been proven that sex plays an extremely important role in building a happy relationship, but openly talking about this topic in many couples is still not accepted. If this is your case too, think about how you can improve the situation.
Despite the awkwardness, start asking your partner important questions about how he sees his ideal sex life (for example, how often he would like to have sex), what he would like to change or bring in, whether he has unrealized sexual fantasies.
5. “What are you dreaming about now, what are you striving for?”
Try to remember yourself five years ago. Now remember what you were two years ago. And now? Most likely, these are three different people – or, at least, their goals and aspirations may differ.
The same is with your partner – most likely, he is no longer the same as at the beginning of your relationship, his plans and dreams could be transformed. In happy couples, people are aware of the changes taking place with each other and support each other at every stage of life.
6. “How are you feeling today?”
The question seems utterly banal, but how long have you asked it to a partner, being ready to hear a sincere answer? Of course, your loved one has the right to decide whether to share their emotions with you, but you can create a safe and comfortable environment for deep conversation.
Any stress, even not related to relationships, affects the couple in one way or another. And it is important at every moment to understand what is happening to each of you and how you can help each other. Whatever happens in your relationship, communication is the key to making it better.
You will never know what your partner is going through and how to support him until you ask. That’s why people in happy couples ask each other the same questions for years – they know that the answers to them will change over time.