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Hello! Have you heard the phrase that our real and most dangerous enemies are ourselves? There are no ideal people, therefore, each of us at least once behaved irrationally, ignoring our own needs and interests.
For example, forgetting to set an alarm before an important interview, not noticing fatigue and going to a club, a trip, or just slandering a loved one in the heat of the moment, jeopardizing relationships.
This is called self-sabotage, and today we will try to figure out in what forms it manifests itself and how it can be eliminated.
Introductory information
In fact, self-sabotage is patterns (that is, types) of behavior that do not lead to a satisfactory, expected result. The roots of occurrence, as usual, lie in childhood.
For example, when a child asks parents for toys, they explain to him that it is not right and not beautiful to do this, that it upsets them, and so on. Then, in order to please significant adults, the baby stops “begging”.
And everything seems to be fine, he became comfortable, obedient, exactly the way they wanted to see him. But growing up, he does not always get what he wants, except perhaps by accident. But because he does not know how to declare his desires, in some cases correctly recognize his needs and choose the ways by which he can realize them.
Self-sabotage is also called a reaction that occurs due to a contradiction between a need and an attitude.
For example, it is hardly possible to achieve financial well-being if you are firmly convinced that money is actually dirty and does not bring happiness. And at the same time want to buy an expensive car, house and so on.
A person who is not aware of these attitudes may try to build a business, take several jobs, take risks in a casino and still end up with nothing every time. It seems to be trying, but something goes wrong.
The most popular forms of manifestation
Perfectionism
It is the pursuit of perfection. The person believes that ideality is real. Therefore, if some flaws and shortcomings appear in the work, he can easily switch to another task, leaving halfway what he started. Simply because they are not satisfied.
His motto is: «Either the best, or not at all.» There are no other options, let alone compromises.
As you understand, perfectionism leads to twofold results. That is, on the one hand, we understand that if a person takes up something, he will bring it to perfection. But on the other hand, if difficulties arise and it turns out not to be the way he intended, the work simply will not be done.
Procrastination
Postponing important things. The most striking example would be students who usually prepare for the session just before the exams. Although they have an approximate program of questions long before it starts.
Procrastination is the most insidious form of self-deception. Because a person does not seem to refuse to work, just an inner voice tells him that now he should rest. And you can always get to the task in time, besides, if there is still a margin of time.
Seductive, isn’t it? But, unfortunately, there usually comes a time when it becomes too late, that is, the relevance of some unresolved issue passes and the person simply loses the opportunity to improve the quality of life, advance in a career, and so on.
You will learn more about procrastination in this article, plus you will also get information on how to deal with it.
Heightened self-esteem
It is also a manifestation of self-sabotage, because it does not reflect reality. For example, a person who is convinced of his irresistibility behaves in society as if he were a representative of royal blood.
Why does he lose social connections? People simply begin to avoid him over time, considering him an arrogant upstart. Then he is unable to fulfill his needs, because the chosen style of behavior creates restrictions on the way to achieve intimacy, gain recognition, and so on.
Often, inflated self-esteem manifests itself in the form of a refusal to help. And everything would be fine, but precisely at those moments when a person really needs it. Pride does not allow you to accept what is given, even if the prospect of dying looms ahead.
Self-deception that it will be possible to somehow cope with the trouble without accepting someone else’s help really leads to extremely negative consequences.
In general, follow this link and you will get more information.
Care in psychosomatics
That is, sick. And it is not necessary to invent their personalities. She really experiences malaise and pain, suffers and is limited in her actions. But it receives a secondary benefit — it is relieved of responsibility for some type of work.
It seems that she is not to blame for the fact that she fell ill, she can’t make any claims, it’s bad for a person, where else to “run into” him.
Unfortunately, this often happens on a subconscious level. That is why it is so important to strive to analyze your actions, to listen to feelings and sensations. You can, for example, not notice fatigue and continue to work to the fullest.
Then it is not surprising that at one moment a disease will appear that will literally immobilize. Thus, the body takes care of itself. Forcibly dumping his master into bed. Let it be so radical.
Retirement into addiction
Alcohol, computer and drug addiction can also be a kind of excuse for insolvency, inactivity, and so on. They move away from the set goals, desires, simply switching attention to themselves.
What ambitions can we talk about if you urgently need to drink a hundred grams? All sorts of projects and meetings can wait, even basic needs fade into the background, and they, by the way, provide us with existence. I’m talking about food, sleep, food and water.
In general, you can read about various types of addictions, that is, dependencies, in this article. And now I propose to consider ways that will help to cope with self-sabotage.
Methods
- Be honest with yourself. It makes no sense to be deceived, distorting reality, you will not protect yourself in this way. And even vice versa. Only by honestly acknowledging your weaknesses and limitations will you be able to move forward in life.
- Be attentive to your feelings, desires and feelings. No one can know you better than you yourself. Just notice how your mood changes, what happens to you at certain moments, and so on.
- Learn to solve problems as they arise. If something comes to mind, act now. Do not think that sometime later it will be better, more convenient, and so on. Sometime later you will forget about it and lose some privileges.
- Love yourself. The way you are. In places full, or vice versa, thin, sometimes stupid or overly rational. Only by respecting your own personality, you will be able to build full-fledged trusting relationships with people around you. So, to feel inner freedom and harmony. In general, if you have difficulty with this topic, go here for recommendations that will help you get in touch with yourself.
- Rest. Be sure to make sure that every day you have at least half an hour to do what brings you joy and pleasure. Otherwise, there can be no question of any productive work. Being tired, dreaming of rest and relaxation, every morning, rushing to work, it is quite normal that subconsciously you will look for reasons to rebel and self-sabotage.
- Learn to plan your activities. Even household and financial expenses. If you record goals, tasks, and even vacations on paper or on your phone, this will encourage you to stick to the plan. Self-discipline is the key to success. When, in spite of everything, no matter how difficult or lazy, a person continues on his way. If only because it follows the entries in the diary. Learn more about how to properly set goals, prioritize and use the planner here.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Subscribe to the site and share links to articles with friends. And also leave comments, we are interested to know your opinion on how you personally deal with manifestations of self-deception.
Take care of yourself and be happy!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina