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We rarely notice that we live by the usual rules and go with the flow, and even less often we try to fix it. However, awareness is the first step towards change. What habits prevent us from starting to live better?
1. Complain “to the void”
There is nothing wrong with complaining as such: we are sometimes upset, frustrated, and relieved by crying into a friend’s vest or by ourselves. But why write posts or tweets about something that can’t be helped anyway? What’s the point of this?
It’s better to focus on what you can potentially change – this will help you gain control over at least some aspects of your life, which is good for mental health.
2. Wait for your luck
To reformulate a well-known saying, we can say that each of us is “the blacksmith of our own luck.” You should not wait until, for example, your dream job “falls” on you – you may have to create your own workplace or even an entire company, and there is nothing to worry about.
You have something to offer the world. Don’t give up and don’t give up trying.
3. Strive to do everything “right”
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what other people think of you if you realized how rarely they do,” and it’s good to keep that thought in mind. You can’t make everyone around you happy, and you shouldn’t.
No matter how hard you try, there will be those who will be unhappy (perhaps because they do not like you, and nothing can be done about it). So stop trying to be the perfect person: try to do your job well – and come what may.
4. Look back
Everyone has heard that the past should be left in the past: time cannot be turned back, past mistakes cannot be corrected. It’s a pity – if only it were possible … But we can only apologize to those who have been harmed and offended. It makes no sense to endlessly reproach yourself, you need to move on.
Like it or not, “life is what is happening to us right now,” which means that what we are doing right now is shaping our future. This does not mean that you should try to give all your best at 100% every day, every hour, every minute, so it won’t take long to burn out. However, it is useful to think about whether your actions today will lead you to the point where you want to be, or whether you are going in circles. And if you realize that the repeating “landscape” is already making you sick, you know what to do.
5. Deliberately harm your health
“Health is real wealth, not silver or gold at all,” said Mahatma Gandhi. That’s true, but we all have our weaknesses and harmful ways of coping with stress and comforting ourselves when we’re having a hard time: alcohol and other substances, fast food, games, shopping, social networks, porn.
And even if they help for a while, you should not get involved in even the most harmless of them, otherwise sooner or later they can destroy your health, relationships and life.
6. Go exclusively on the beaten path
The last year and a half have taught most of us to value stability: if there is a job that provides some kind of income, that’s good. However, an excessive desire for security can play a cruel trick on us, influencing the choices we make in life.
We often get the most interesting and enriching experience precisely when we go off the “high road” onto an inconspicuous path. So, if you realized that due to circumstances you ended up in a “safety cage”, start searching for the key.
Start small – do something this year that you’ve never done before. This will help you feel brave again, and it is the level of courage that largely determines how life develops.
About the author: Karen Nimmo is a clinical psychologist.