The ability to build good relationships with others is a skill that can be practiced for a lifetime. In addition, it is sometimes worth reconsidering our habits: sometimes they negatively affect our connections with others.
Our ability to build relationships with others, whether friends or relatives, colleagues or partners, is called social intelligence. This is a very special type of intelligence, and, alas, sometimes even the most intelligent people lack it. But those who have it high avoid doing the following:
1. Go on the rampage
Conflict, argue, look for weaknesses in the opponent’s logic – people with high social intelligence try not to do this. They generally prefer not to argue with others, knowing that it is counterproductive. Even if you win the argument, you are unlikely to be able to convince your opponent, and even more so – to win his sympathy.
Of course, you can and should discuss different ideas with others – including those with whom you disagree. But let’s be honest: how often do we really seek the truth, and do not seek to put the opponent on the shoulder blades? Such disputes, including on the topic of religion or politics, should be avoided.
2. Emphasize your own features, which are already visible to everyone
If a person is smart, this is felt in communication – for this he does not have to use terms that are incomprehensible to others in his speech, and always strive to give the right answer to everything. Moreover, usually behind the mask of a “know-it-all” lies a vulnerable and insecure person.
Is it worth going out of your way to impress others with your knowledge? Hardly. After all, the mind is just one facet of your personality. Do not seek to “bulge” your intellect – this way, among other things, you can win the trust of others: people are more willing to open up to those who do not put pressure on them with their superiority.
3. Climb everywhere with your opinion
You probably already know that the ability to listen, not to speak, makes us excellent interlocutors. Only by listening carefully, asking the right questions, and making thoughtful comments can a conversation be sustained. And, you see, it’s just nice to understand that they really listen to us, without trying to stick into our story or tell our story as quickly as possible.
Try to understand if you are an attentive interlocutor, and the next time in a conversation, try to look your counterpart in the eye and really listen to what you are being told.
4. Frankly with or without
The most interesting fact about high social intelligence is that its owners usually do not more, but less than others. They speak less, interfere less in conversation, less strive to seem like someone. As Abraham Lincoln said, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and dispel all doubts.”
It’s not about being silent like a fish and never sharing what’s on your mind: just try to think before you open your mouth – this way you’re more likely to say something relevant, wise or witty. After all, we rarely take those who talk incessantly seriously.
5. Gossip
Of course, most of us at least sometimes discuss others in one way or another. And this is normal – most likely, at a certain stage in the development of mankind, gossip played an important evolutionary role, uniting people and helping them establish social ties. But today it is important what and how exactly you say, in what key, with what message.
It is impossible to have the same high opinion of everyone around you, but perhaps not every opinion is worth expressing out loud? When criticizing or expressing disapproval, do not get personal and attack a person whose behavior, opinion or appearance surprises, embarrasses or annoys you.
And, of course, it is important to learn how to compliment people who really admire you. If acquaintances seek to involve you in a discussion of third parties, try to refuse as tactfully as possible. Don’t say, “I don’t like to gossip.” Say it better: “To be honest, we don’t know each other very well, so I don’t have anything to say.” And try to change the subject.
6. Show off
Boasting, striving to take credit for oneself and receive praise for the work done by others – all this is alien to people with high social intelligence. If you work in a team, celebrate the merits of colleagues. And instead of boasting about your achievements, tell us about what really fascinates you.
You do not need to stick out your successes and talk about how proud you are of yourself. The more you strive to draw attention to yourself, the more clearly others understand that you are not too confident in yourself. But they intuitively feel when a person realizes who he is and what he wants, appreciates himself, and begin to respect him. Such a person easily makes friends and like-minded people and attracts others to him – those who begin to listen to his opinion. Isn’t that what most of us strive for?