Contents
You don’t want to upset your partner, or you hope to boost their self-esteem. Or are you just too shy to talk about it. You often fake pleasure even though you don’t have an orgasm. Sexologists warn: in this way you are doing a disservice to yourself, your partner, and relationships.
18+
Orgasm has several “side effects” that have a positive effect on a woman’s health and the quality of her relationship with her partner. What do you do when you fake an orgasm?
1. Deprive yourself of health benefits
“Orgasm triggers the production of hormones that have a beneficial effect on the emotional and physical state of a person. These are dopamine, vasopressin, oxytocin and endorphins. They not only cause a feeling of euphoria during orgasm, but improve the quality of sleep, reduce anxiety, temporarily relieve physical pain, strengthen the immune system, increase concentration and improve the general condition of the body. By faking an orgasm, you deprive yourself of these benefits, ”explains sexologist Kimberly Resnick Anderson.
2. Maintain a distorted view of sex
“Among my clients are many men with rich sexual experience – they had 30 or more partners. And most are sure that women do not need additional stimulation to reach the peak. This means that their partners were feigning an orgasm, says sexologist and author of the book “Return Desire” Lori Watson. – Pornographic videos inspire men that the main thing in sex is the size, rigidity and duration of sexual intercourse. It is not true.
Most women need an average of 20 minutes of foreplay. It is important to tell a man what you like and how else a partner can please you. This is the only way to correct the misconceptions about sex that are common among men.”
3. Don’t let your partner get better
“Exploring yourself and your partner, discovering what he likes and needs for pleasure, is an important part of a sexual life. When we experience an orgasm, it teaches a partner how to act, adds sexologist Elizabeth McGrath. – If a partner cares about you, he will pay attention to this and improve the methods that brought you to orgasm.
Many women feel that this is too long. Others find it difficult to bring them to orgasm. Give yourself time. Explore your body and let your partner accompany you on this journey. Even if after an hour of trying and experimenting you do not get an orgasm, this will benefit the couple.
4. Deceive your partner
Sexologist and author of “How to Get the Sex You Want” and “The New Monogamy” Tammy Nelson believes that faking an orgasm is primarily a hoax and therefore a bad idea:
“You can’t skillfully pretend all your life. One day a man will expose you. He will find out that you were lying, and this will hurt his pride. He used to be pleased to think that he gives you pleasure, and suddenly it turned out that your sex life is based on lies. Even if a partner appreciates your concern, this will not replace the feeling when a woman in his arms experiences a real orgasm.
5. You risk losing interest in sex.
“The pleasure of orgasm stimulates the desire to continue having sex. When you don’t experience it, sex becomes mediocre and frustrating, warns sexologist Jan Kerner, author of Her Pleasure Matters. Before you know it, you’ll stop making love.
If you regularly achieve orgasm, then you are mentally relaxed, sexually fulfilled, feel attracted to a partner and emotionally attached to him. If you have to fake an orgasm, then there’s probably a problem in your relationship.”
6. Devalue your own pleasure.
Sexologist Moshumi Goes, author of Old Positions Revisited, believes that by faking an orgasm, you devalue your right to pleasure:
“You are sending a message to your body: “Pleasure does not matter to me.” And you make it clear that giving you pleasure is too much of a burden for a partner. You steal pleasure from yourself and deprive your partner of the opportunity to get to know you better and learn how to please you. You prevent yourself from achieving the deep intimacy that only a shared orgasm can create.”