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The world is changing, and there are more and more of us who feel at odds with the life we have built. How to get rid of the feeling of stopping, “ceiling”? What goals to set? How to achieve their implementation?
Before planning change, think about how you feel about the present. Coach Nadezhda Dyakonova recommends answering the questions: “To what extent do I manage my life? Am I influencing what happens, or does everything “just happen”? If my life can be better, how will it be? Due to circumstances or my efforts?”
“A fatalist is not capable of shaping the future,” explains Nadezhda Dyakonova. – He focuses on the past or the present, and looks at the future with cynicism: “it still won’t work.” Such attitudes prevent us from taking steps towards change.”
Give yourself permission to shape the life you want. You will gain a new understanding of your own desires.
Stimulate the imagination
Our aspirations reflect what we were created to do. But, remaining in captivity of fears due to upbringing, habits and parental attitudes, we sometimes hardly understand our real desires. Start fantasizing about a life that suits you perfectly.
Take a notebook and complete the following phrases:
1. If I didn’t have to earn money, I would do…
2. If I were free, I would do / I would become …
3. If everything was allowed, I would do …
4. If I was sure of success, I would become / do …
5. If I were less afraid of how others would look at me, I would…
No need to come up with unusual answers, for example, “I would go around the world.” Write what warms you. Look at the answers. Are the same details repeated over and over again? So you have found something that really excites you.
Why is dreaming good? When we allow ourselves to think about how we would like to live, we better understand what needs to be changed in the present,” the expert comments. By “dreaming” our future, we can turn the dream into a plan of action.
What do you really want?
List 100 goals you would like to achieve. Be more self-confident, start a family, live by the sea… The first 20 are easy. Other desires will have to think more thoroughly. Keep in mind: this is a list for a lifetime, from which you will gradually cross off item by item. Recall that you have loved for a long time, but cannot realize. Riding, singing, skateboarding…
When the list is ready, select 2-3 goals from it that will be in focus for the next year. Something simple and specific. What attracts the most is, for example, “learning to play tennis.” Look at it as a commitment that needs to be fulfilled. Think of specific steps and follow the plan. At the same time, form the habit of doing what you have planned.
Visualize the life you want
Draw on a large sheet of paper or make a collage of pictures that make up your ideal life. Many people know very well what they do not want, but have great difficulty in determining what they want. Learn to focus on what you want, distracting from the rational side of things.
Then close your eyes and let your imagination run wild. Imagine that you already have everything that you “dream”. How do you feel in this new state? What changes in you when you get what you want? “Stay” in your dream for a while, try to feel the smallest nuances.
Use this technique before any major changes. Do you want to change jobs? Before sending out your resume, imagine what your ideal professional life might look like. Too often we say to ourselves, “Logically, I should be doing this.” As a result, many people do things they don’t like very much.
Write: what is important for you in the company in which you would like to work? How should it be different from other places? What exactly would you like to do? What kind of people would you like to work with? What time would you like to start the day?
“When we allow ourselves to “be” in a dream, it starts to seem to the brain, soul and body that this state is quite achievable,” comments Nadezhda Dyakonova. — We become closer to it, a stable intention and desire to achieve the goal is formed. After that, it is much easier to take concrete steps.”
Take the first step
Between a dream and its realization there is an abyss that sometimes seems immense. In fact, the tipping point lies in a simple decision. In the first step. But how to silence the inner voice that mutters: is this really necessary? can i do it?
“Do not force him to shut up, learn to enter into a dialogue with him, accept and negotiate,” Nadezhda Dyakonova clarifies. “It is very important to understand what this part of you is afraid of, what it wants to protect from. Try to imagine this internal opponent. What is he? How old is he? What is his voice? What does he want to tell you?
Imagine having a conversation with that “inner critic.” What does he want for you? What does it protect from? What does he insist on? Is a compromise possible?
Follow the goal gradually
At the beginning, you are full of excitement, the project is like a sprint, but its completion is more like a long-distance swim. If the goal seems unattainable to you, divide the task into intermediate stages. Do you want to buy an apartment or start your own business? What needs to be done first? And then? Etc! Think about the fact that you only need to consistently achieve a few small goals.
Take stock and take breaks
The thought of fulfilling a dream often excites us so much that we lose patience, push ourselves endlessly, and panic because we are not moving fast enough. Review regularly. Weekly, monthly, trimester (depending on project size).
It is important to turn this debriefing into a ritual. Mark in your notebook progress, good meetings, pleasant surprises.
And do not forget to stop for “halts” from time to time. Any long-term project fizzles out sometimes. So don’t criticize yourself for activity downturns. If you are constantly in action, you risk forgetting why you are acting. Take breaks for a few hours, days, weeks, so that later you can get back to work with renewed vigor.