6 bad tips all parents give their kids

It is difficult for us to be constantly focused. Usually, if we are not busy solving a particular problem, our thoughts wander haphazardly. As a result, we are more than necessary, worrying about the past or worrying about the future. Both are meaningless. This chewing leads to extremely negative emotions: anger, regret. As a result, stress arises. A little stress can be a motivator, but constant chronic stress harms health and intelligence, impairing attention and memory. Therefore, focusing on the future can reduce the chances of success.

If you force your child to think about good grades and going to college all the time, he will feel anxiety and fear. Children feel better and happier when taught to live in the moment. And when people are happy, they learn faster, think more creatively, and solve different problems more easily. Scientists have calculated that happiness makes us 12% more productive. Positive emotions increase resistance to stress, help to overcome difficulties faster.

Today’s children begin to “learn” depression and anxiety earlier. All because they feel pressure from parents, teachers, worries about grades and academic performance. Adults themselves often instill in children the idea that stress is an inevitable part of a successful life. During the day we consume caffeine to get more done at work, and at night we need alcohol or sleeping pills to calm down. Children read this pattern of behavior. Incidentally, parents who experience burnout are more likely than other peers to experience similar emotional exhaustion in school.

And it would be worth teaching children the ability to withstand stress. We cannot get rid of them at all. But you can learn to resist them: meditation, yoga and breathing techniques really work. That is, to live according to the “rest and digest” pattern instead of the standard “fight or flight” response to stress.

While resting, we are looking for new emotions and impressions: strong, positive. “The best rest is a change of activity” – remember how this mother’s phrase infuriated you yourself? But we ourselves are putting this principle into practice. Look: outside of school, our children are constantly busy. Electives, clubs, tutors, sports sections, family trips and cultural outings. All this leaves practically no time for idleness. There is nothing wrong with active leisure. But even pleasant feelings drain us, as does stress. As a result, children have too little time to restore energy resources – and we ourselves are to blame.

Brilliant ideas tend to come to mind when we are relaxed (eureka! In the bathroom). Therefore, instead of overloading children with extracurricular activities, it is better to leave them alone with themselves. Children can turn anything into a game: waiting in the waiting room or driving to school, for example. At the same time, they do not have the habit of enjoying such simple things as reading, walking the dog, even just lying under a tree looking at the clouds. Paradoxically, idleness can help children be more creative and inventive. And most importantly, it will teach them to relax, daydream and receive joy from life itself, and not from constant affairs and activities.

Parents often describe their children in terms of their talents: “mathematician”, “born diplomat” or “artist”. However, even good labeling prevents children from trying other activities. If a child is praised for his sporting success, then he may not want to leave this comfort zone – and try himself, for example, on stage. And if in “his” sphere he fails or encounters unexpected difficulties, this can engender complexes and self-doubt in the child.

Our brains are built to learn new things. And it’s best to learn from your mistakes while you’re young. Instead of emphasizing the child’s talents, instill in him that he can learn anything if he tries. In this case, children will be more optimistic and will learn to worry less about failure.

Criticism, of course, is needed in education, but here it is important not to overdo it so that the child is not too strict with himself. Psychologists say that self-criticism makes us think about our shortcomings all the time, thereby reducing our self-confidence. The child begins to fear failure, it is easy to give up, from the fear of making the wrong decisions and getting depressed in the face of difficulties.

Instead, parents should teach children to empathize with themselves, treat themselves the way you would treat a friend if they fail. This does not mean that children should indulge themselves in everything. This means that they should not be overly self-critical. Then, for example, a timid child will understand that there is nothing wrong with shyness, and it will become much easier for him to develop communication skills.

Since childhood, our social connections have been the most important indicator of health, happiness, and even longevity. Without the ability to build positive relationships with people, few people manage to become truly successful. Moreover, the ability to be liked is one of the main signs of success, regardless of what you actually know how. If you show sympathy for others instead of focusing on yourself, then you will succeed in the long term. Unless, of course, you will not allow your kindness to be abused.

Children are naturally kind and compassionate, but the younger generation is becoming more selfish. Therefore, it is important to encourage the instinctive desire of children to care for others and teach them to put themselves in the shoes of others.