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The complexity of the 50-year milestone is that a person reaches a point where a significant part of life is behind. Some people think that everything has already happened. To others, usually those who jumped over this figure, that everything is just beginning. Where is the truth? We found this out in an honest conversation between three friends: singer Valeria, TV presenter Tatyana Drobysh and producer Leyla Fattakhova.
We met them at the Hills restaurant. Leyla Fattakhova, the ex-wife of Iosif Prigogine and a real friend of Valeria, was the first to appear at the meeting place. Five minutes later, playful Tatyana Drobysh flew in. Valeria entered next, accompanied by her beloved man, who did not let go of the phone. “And these energetic laughers are 50?”
Unfortunately, in our society there is still a stereotype: a woman has no life after 40. We are generally silent about 50. Fortunately, the stereotype is gradually being shattered about such energetic, purposeful, interested, greedy for life. And with whom, if not with them, to talk about how to live a full life, not worrying about the number in the passport.
Intervene in the conversation did not work, and there is no need. We just overheard the conversation of three friends. We are publishing fragments from a conversation that took place in 2018, but today it is more relevant than ever.
Tatyana: Ler, I did your hair for you!
Valeria: A la 90s, then I liked the way you were laid. So cool!
Tatyana: I like it too, you will not advise bad. Not like the saying “Best friend is a bald friend”. I think it’s so low. It’s better to remain silent.
But no, how often false compliments are poured in from “sworn friends”. Not like we have, all the beauties, we all trust each other
Leila: If a person is essentially deceitful, it doesn’t matter whether he is a friend or not…
Valeria: Girls, how wise we are (laughs) … We all get the weather here, right? Tanya, are you on the 69th?
Tatyana: Yeah, we have “5 A”, “6 B” and “7 C” classes. And my “classmate” Joseph from “5 A” should be seated at our table, because there is no way without him.
Valeria: Why is this? Very much like! That’s it, Yosya, go, don’t interfere. We’re talking girls here.
About women’s friendship, husbands-usurpers and Pokrovsky gates
Valeria: Girls, how long have we been friends with you?
Leila: Well, not so long ago. Lizka (daughter of Leila and Joseph. – Ed.) was 10 years old when I first sent her to rest with you in Switzerland. Now she is 19. Then we started talking, became friends a little later. For me, it was a huge step forward on your part when I asked Joseph if it was possible to invite you to perform at our concert at the House of Music.
Do you remember? Yosya then doubted, and you firmly said: “You can!” For me it was so important. Bel Suono had their first concert at the time, no one really knew yet, and you supported us. And it was revealing. There were more points of contact besides children.
Valeria: Yes, there must be something in common for friendship to be strong and last for many years. As a student, I had a close friend, we communicated wonderfully, and then life divorced us. When we meet, we remember the past, but we don’t see each other often.
Leila: And there is nothing like that, by the way.
Nobody betrayed anyone, it’s just that life has changed: everyone has families, children, their own worries
Valeria: Yes, it’s a completely different reality. In general, I had such a specific family life that I had no right to have girlfriends. I was then usurped once and for all. Such were the conditions of life.
Tatyana: Well, I can tell you that not only your ex-husband is a tyrant. They are all tyrants and usurpers. When a woman gets married, she loses a huge number of friends. And it does not depend on whether the husband is bad or good. It’s just that the focus of communication is changing. Maybe I would like to go somewhere with the girls, and the husband will say: “Well, hello, and me?” And you are with us, because Valeria’s husband is Prigogine. Ler, well, we began to communicate closely with you through our husbands.
Valeria: Yeah, let’s go to the movies together. The boys sit behind us, and we are in front. They are good and we are good.
Tatyana: You have a direct “Pokrovsky Gate”, high relations! It seems to me … No, exactly! I would not be able to communicate with my ex-husband.
Leila: So there is the first wife of Joseph, and there the relationship does not go well at all.
Valeria: A lot depends on the person here. When Lisa came to us, it was immediately clear what kind of mother she was and what the family said. Even if the child is cunning, it will still pierce somewhere. That’s when the elder Yosin’s children came to us, there they were in the camp of the enemy. All the time they were looking for some tricks, tons of information merged. And it is clear that it all comes from the mother. Why is not clear.
Children generally should not stand at the crossroads between parents and try to choose someone. It is pointless. If my ex was adequate, I would be happy to communicate with him. I am glad that everything worked out with Lisa from the very beginning.
I remember that on this first trip she generally followed me with her tail, reached out to the girl
Leila: She is a mother’s daughter, there is no mother, there is a second mother. And now it’s like that with us, Lizka Leroux really calls her second mother.
Tatyana: Leila, but honestly, are you jealous?
Leila: Absolutely not! On the contrary, it’s better to consult with Leroy if I don’t know how to do it. At school, there were always two emails as contacts for communication: mine and Lerin. The documents were sent in English, I don’t know the language, Lera always called, asked if everything was in order, if it was possible to sign.
Everyone benefits from this. Children are friendly. Theme (Artem Shulgin – Valeria’s eldest son. – Ed.) Lizka calls her sister. Once she came to him in Switzerland to pick up something, he handed her 50 francs. I tell her, you’re cunning, and she admits with surprise that she didn’t even expect it.
Valeria: The topic himself tasted student life, when you have to save money, everything is sorted out on the shelves. Remember we were all in London for a concert? Lisa hugged me then and said: “I am the happiest today! All my loved ones are around.” This is so touching! So we communicate, in a big friendly kahal.
About psychotypes and a pocket fire extinguisher
Valeria: Here Temka slipped me a test on Facebook. Psychotype definition. I passed, then I think: somewhere I didn’t answer frankly. Went a second time and same result. Do you know what? Peacekeeper!
Tatyana: Oh, but it’s true! How did you get. You always try to reconcile everyone. Offended by Vitya, I call you to complain, five minutes of conversation, and all my emotions were blown away. What was offended, it is not clear!
Valeria: Yes, I have been carrying a fire extinguisher all my life. This is my mission.
Leila: Although you are an Aries, you should be explosive.
Tatyana: And she is not a peacemaker in Zen, she is our fighter for justice.
Valeria: Yosya jokes that there will be no war. But there will be such a struggle for peace that it will not be good (laughs). We need to look globally. In small things, we are all wrong. But to be offended, angry – this is such a childishness, self-doubt. I can be offended within the family for educational purposes. Like, I was offended so that they would know that they would not pass by, that this or that should not be done. But this is also funny.
I walk in this mask and I don’t remember why I have a demonstration performance here. Seriously, I don’t even remember when I was offended. I can always take the other person’s side. I doubt very much that people do something out of evil motives, it seems to me that they are simply mistaken.
Leila: You know, I recently once again, but now I’m sure – forever, broke up with one friend. You do good to a person, and the person accumulates envy and anger in himself. At some point, this turns into rudeness in public, and you stand, listen and do not understand how the person to whom you are with all your heart can feel so much hatred for you. I’ve stepped on the same rake many times already.
You have to be smarter somehow. If I had known that this is how a person treats me, I would not have come close
Valeria: I’m not always ready for rudeness either, Layla. But don’t hesitate. They say you have to learn from mistakes, but on the other hand, openness is your quality, why break yourself. It happened and happened. Go on with the same open heart, I think so. A negative experience is also an experience.
About age, happiness and small children for big fathers
Leila: Recently I came across an article about the age of happiness, our age. What is happiness for you?
Tatyana: I think happiness is not a permanent state. Here I look at Danka and in an instant I feel happy. It’s a fraction of a second. And then worries again, and so I can scold my source of happiness (laughs), wow! This is Lera, our supermom. Children love you! When you talk to Lida, your voice immediately becomes so calm, gentle …
Valeria: This is me with other people’s children, you know how they brought me? That’s who little children love, so it’s Yoshu. He can mess around with them for hours, talk.
Leila: I think he needs a little one.
Valeria: Oh, yes, he would have a little one right now. Right now. Vitya amazes me! I had no idea he was such a father. He doesn’t let the kids out of his hands.
Tatyana: Yeah, our husbands have grown to small children.
Valeria: Yes, before they had no time, they built a career, earned money, there was a lot of fuss around. And here everything is already stable. I look at Vitya and think: is it really him? He manages everything: both on roller skates, and fishing at five in the morning, get up, and still sit in the studio, do business.
In time it is necessary to give birth to children to these fathers
Tatyana: But there is another danger here. At this age, dad can only be a gingerbread man. A whip is always a mother. Although, when they go alone with the children for the second day, dad can’t stand it. Recently they went to the pool, and Lida whines and whines. Vitya calls and mints in a guttural voice, restraining himself as much as possible: “Please take her away.” Brought my beloved father.
Valeria: Yeah, and the mothers will endure everything without a break.
Leila: It should be so.
Valeria: And Leila, what a wise mother we have. She let her only child go to study in Switzerland at the age of 12!
Leila: Well, you remember how the first two years we did not get out of Skype. I thought that I would die here without her, I doubted the decision. And now I realized that I did everything right.
Valeria: Of course, right! As they say, the souls of children are given to us for temporary storage. Until the age of 18, we must protect and support them, but understand that they are not our property. That they have their own path and their own life. All we have to do is help them get started on this journey and walk along side by side if they need help. But don’t impose.
Tatyana: Girls, look how interesting: from a conversation about happiness, we smoothly moved on to children and husbands …
Valeria: So this is also part of our happiness. How, Tanya, did you say that happiness is made up of little things? I agree with you. And I also think that happiness is when there is no unhappiness.
Leila: And our happiness is that we live brightly and do not stop. We do not live the lives of children or husbands, we have a lot of our own affairs, activities. Many women, especially in Soviet times, melted into the lives of children, and by the age of 50 they had nothing else. We gave the children a way, we are always there, but at the same time we are developing ourselves. And that’s why children are interested in us.
Valeria: And this is the secret of how beautiful we look (laughs). But seriously, no plastic surgery can replace a real interest in life. I had a teacher at the institute. Once we invited her to go with us to celebrate something, to have fun. But she flatly refused, they say, this is not for my age. She was 40 years old! Only 40, you know?
And already such fatigue, lethargy, as if she had already seen everything and there was nothing to be interested in
And here, in contrast, my mother, who at her venerable age is engaged in fitness, teaches English, and tutors with students. She is interested in everything: concerts, theater. And at the age of 100, my grandmother read albums on art, was aware of all the events, and was drawn to everything new and interesting. And everyone in my family is long-lived. And when at 40 you yourself decide that it’s no longer interesting, you refuse life, that’s scary.
Tatyana: Well, we are not in danger. We also know how to have fun like children. By the way, we haven’t played association for a long time. Shall we meet at the weekend?
Valeria, Leila (in chorus): Agreed!