Fortunately, it was not early in the morning, closer to noon, otherwise I would not have survived the entire corps de ballet.
The Orenburg-Moscow train was leaving in ten minutes and I was standing on the platform with my relatives. Having said goodbye, I already wanted to climb the stairs to the car, when I heard the hysterical cries of two young people running and swearing at the same time.
There was only one thing in my head: If only not in my car! Ride that day!
Wrong! A couple parked in my compartment.
And the terrible began! They swore, as if they had accepted the «Ozverin», but in a quiet and hissing voice, apparently, some norms of decent behavior remained.
The book did not work for me, and I found entertainment for myself: I took a piece of paper with a pen and began to record from their conversation everything that they were dissatisfied with. It turned out interesting!
By nightfall in our «funny» compartment, everyone calmed down and fell asleep. I was happy!
In the morning, oddly enough, the couple hardly spoke. I had no time for them, ahead of a busy schedule and busy day, but when I left, I gave the sheet to the guy with the words: “Do the opposite, it will help,” and forgot about them like a bad dream.
Two weeks later, a friend called and said that the guy who was traveling with the girl in the same compartment with me works in her company and saw how she met me. He asks to thank and say that everything is fine with them.
It’s hard to believe, but apparently miracles do happen!
Here is what was written there:
1. Forget good morning wishes! Get ready for work in silence, draw your eyebrows together and keep a frown on your face! You have no time, you are focused on the training camp, you must be brand new!
2. To the question: «What would you like, tea or coffee?» — in no case do not turn your head in her direction, just say that you will get around! You are in a hurry, very hurry. That’s right, why bother asking stupid questions?
3. Always scream from the bathroom in annoyance: “How long can you? Everywhere this hair, did not try to take calcium?
4. To her question: “Well, it’s delicious! I wanted to please you! ”, Say a little cynically:“ Well, so … Mom cooks better, you should learn from her. And in general, always put your mother as an example. So it will be more reliable.
5. Every day, make comments about her parents with a negative wording: “It feels like your parents are wild, at least send them links to some webinars on self-development!”
6. For all offers to go somewhere and spend time together, repeat the same thing: “Work comes first, what kind of rest, do you understand what you are talking about?”
7. React sharply to your appearance: “Damn, I will be ashamed of you. My grandmother dresses better! Sorry, nothing personal!
8. Be sure to let them know that your friends have invited you to the party, but since there will only be people with a «spiritually rich outlook», she will not be able to join, maybe sometime next time!
9. There is always one phrase about her laughter: “The horse neighs more tenderly! Well, I’m sorry, it broke out!
10. As soon as she said that she wants to sit with a friend for coffee, immediately retort: “It makes sense to spend money, drink at home!”
11. On the proposal to gather your parents and spend the weekend in the woods in the family circle, start honking: “The roads are bad, there will be mosquitoes, your mother always gives advice, you will have to sit with your father to go fishing, you need to drag his boat, which means you need to empty the trunk … »
12. Whine every evening that life is pain and decay, that everything is bad and that everything in this world is undeserved.
13. Constantly whine about the lack of money, whine hard, whine even harder.
14. As soon as she mentioned a new lipstick, immediately whine that she is soulless and cynical and does not understand that there is no money.
15. If she suggested that you change jobs where earnings exceed your current salary, attack her and yell at the top of her lungs that you are a creative person, and she is an ungrateful rubbish.
16. In the evenings, traditionally, start a conversation about the injustice of power, corruption and the latest news in the economy, and be sure to make her discuss this topic with you, if she refuses, take offense at her.
17. Hold a grudge against her for at least two days, and even better if you leave to be offended by your mother.
18. Take offense properly:
— on all her calls, throw a return SMS: Busy. Don’t take tu.e.u!
— Ignore SMS and all messages in all messengers, read, but ignore.
— tell your mother that if your girlfriend asks you, you are not there! Mom won’t let her hurt you any more!
— for greater persuasiveness, blacklist her in all social networks.
– any time you try to talk to you at home (if you suddenly decide to come back earlier!) go to another room and pick up a book about increasing spirituality.
— if he insists on talking, say tired: “You know, let’s not now. It’s not easy for me. Tired. I want to rest.» And sigh loudly .. At her second attempt, repeat the text and sigh again.
19. Be sure to reproach her for another two weeks before your new resentment against her after you have reconciled. And it will serve her right!
20. Complain to your mom about your girlfriend daily. Almost hourly. Blame her for all the troubles and say: “All because of her!” Mom nursed you, fed you, raised you — she will understand everything.
21. If your boss has criticized your project, go home and after you cross the threshold, take one of the positions:
— You are a man. You are strong. Speak harshly and sharply, answer angrily: “Don’t go in! It’s boring without you.» And be indignant, be indignant at all costs, but don’t talk about what is at stake, you are a man, you are strong. Hold the plank!
— Come home, sit on a chair, grab your head with your hands and start shouting to the whole apartment about the injustice of your life. Make yourself out to be a martyr who is not appreciated at work. And add at the end, looking into the eyes of your girlfriend: “No one but the mother appreciates! None!»
22. If your significant other wants to introduce you to their friends, immediately throw out a line: “With whom? With these freaks?
23. As soon as your girlfriend wants to cling to your shoulder before going to bed, you reluctantly throw to her: “Somehow uncomfortable! To be honest, I’m tired.»
24. Never hug her. Never and nowhere. And most importantly, do not hug at night.
25. Kiss — forget it. You’ve been with her for more than a month, that’s enough, it’s useless.
26. Give compliments to all girls except your own. And let him see and hear how you skillfully do it with others.
27. If he tries to talk to you about something serious, avoid answering. Be vague, but never answer the question itself. For greater effect, at the end, leave and slam the door loudly. And go to your mom. Let her guess that you are offended.
28. Many are pierced by a simple thing: help around the house. Try not to make such mistakes. Who is the mistress of the house? She is. Let the whole house drag on itself. Do not even think of ever talking about the distribution of responsibilities.
29. Any requests for help outside the home are also prohibited. Prioritize your friends. It will roll itself out.
30. If suddenly she «thought» to distribute responsibilities between you, ask for help from a friend who has never had a relationship. Enlist his support, that what your girlfriend offers you is complete nonsense.
31. Always argue with her. Prove that you are right. After all, only your opinion is the only and correct, right! Take action!
32. Evaluate each situation subjectively, based on your view of things, your interests and your benefits. There is no other way of looking.
33. Insult. Yes, it’s so colorful and never regret it!
34. Devalue any of her choices and decisions. About clothes, make-up, choice of film, food in a restaurant, furniture, etc.
35. When you are at home, pay attention only to yourself. Do everything for yourself. Remember, she is not.
36. Beginner Mistakes:
— you don’t give her a coat, not a little one, she will dress herself.
— do not open the door in front of her, do not let her go ahead.
— you don’t take heavy bags from her hands, you don’t help to carry them, you will overstrain.
Do not speak kind words.
— do not praise for anything.
— Do not give gifts.
37. Be jealous from scratch. Beat the doors with your fists, hysteria about this.
38. Disperse all her friends. Forbid her to communicate with them. They are nobody, your friends are another matter, the best people in the world. And constantly gather friends at your place so that she also cooks for you and cleans up after. And yes, you can’t help.
39. Give an ultimatum at every opportunity: either you or (someone/something).
40. Don’t give in to anything. Nowhere, never, under any circumstances.
41. If she gave you a gift or a surprise, don’t say thank you, don’t thank. Granted.
42. Be sure to buy something expensive together, and as soon as you quarrel, start sharing. Connect parents to the sharing, the process will go much more interesting. And don’t forget to blame. To not relax!
43. As soon as your girlfriend decides to start a conversation about a future together, immediately get sick or find an urgent matter that requires a personal meeting with someone. Don’t even think about giving in, they’ll ring you.
44. Directed unreasonable aggression works best because of your own failures. The girl is a good whipping pillow — use it, pour all the aggression on her. He will enter a burning hut, stop a galloping horse, and cope with aggression.
45. Cross out all the arguments that she gives to improve relations. You are leading relationships to destruction, look, do not back down!
46. Flowers in the house should not be!
47. It is necessary to exclude spending time together.
48. Calls and correspondence to nullify. You are at work, you are busy for her. This is a reliable method. And to be interested in her affairs is empty. And there is nothing new there.
49. Stop feeling happy with her. Look for flaws in it. And for greater conviction, start looking at your colleague. And for completeness, invite a colleague to a restaurant!
50. It is strictly forbidden to wish your girlfriend good night. Turn around and pretend you don’t hear. Think about the one with whom you were in the restaurant and build illusions of a happy life with her.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.