5 Ways to Save a Relationship

You are on the threshold of a new relationship and, it would seem, you should have a pleasant anticipation of a light romance or something more, because all the happiness in the world is waiting for you. But it was not there! You are sure that nothing will work out, because something is definitely wrong with you: a flat butt, small breasts, an unsuccessful hairstyle. And in general, last Friday he was seen with that beauty from the neighboring department. Familiar feeling?

Low self-esteem makes you feel insecure at the beginning of a relationship. We consider ourselves not interesting or attractive enough. As a result, we do not give a promising relationship a chance to begin. And sometimes we are so afraid of disappointing or being disappointed that it is easier for us to leave first than to wait until our partner does.

Or another option: you have been together for so long that habit has replaced love. But in these relations everything is familiar and understandable. And you continue to tolerate your partner’s antics just because you think it’s better for you not to meet. After all, who else would agree to be next to your flat booty or bad haircut.

You need to understand that relationships are about exchanging ideas, enjoying spending time together, and helping each other. If someone treats you badly or deceives you, there is no point in continuing such communication. Addiction is not the same as love. If you have a really good relationship and it’s important for you to keep it, then it’s time to adjust your behavior.

1. Stop reading your partner’s mind

Admit it, how many times have you wanted to offer your partner something new (whether it was intimate life, choosing a place for a summer vacation or other joint plans), but were embarrassed to say so? How many opportunities and happy moments have you missed because of this imaginary ability to read the thoughts of another. Yes, it is imaginary, but how else? Why decide for someone when you can just ask. Healthy communication is the key to a good and strong partnership. Sounds simple, but it can be hard to learn! But when you learn, you will understand that communication and discussion of “difficult issues” in the bud kills many problems, strengthens relationships, and sometimes it can be a real aphrodisiac.

Speak what you think and think what you say. Give people the information they really need and stop expecting them to figure it out on their own. You don’t have to know about every little thing going on in the minds of other people, even those closest to you. Everyone has the right to private thoughts and their inviolability. The constant question “what are you thinking about?” is associated with total control and can cause a partner not only a feeling of discomfort, but also a desire to move away in search of free space.

2. Stop looking for the perfect relationship

“Without 100 thousand subscribers, you are nothing” is the motto of our days. From the vastness of social networks, modern Apollos and Aphrodites are looking at us – young, successful and fit. They encourage us to run marathons and be more resilient, work harder and be more successful, eat healthy food and become more attractive (or rather, like them). These “stamps” also affect our personal life, forcing us to choose a partner according to the same criteria. We spend thousands of nerve cells every day thinking about whether our relationships live up to these “high” standards. And what is the result? Lack of privacy. Indeed, in the real world, unlike Instagram, it needs to be created and worked on daily.

Such an imposed ideal can be the opinion of the mother, the environment, or one’s own fantasies about that same prince from her favorite series. Only after going through a certain life experience, we finally understand that it’s not about the partner, but about ourselves. In mental trauma, insecurity and the desire to meet imposed standards. And only by finally recognizing our shortcomings and flaws, we can begin to build harmonious relationships. Awareness of one’s own imperfection allows one to find one’s ideally imperfect prince. Study yourself and look for what you need, and not someone else.

3. Learn the lessons of the past, but not be held captive by it

Every relationship is an experience. We always compare and draw parallels. Most have already been “burnt”. We have healed the wounds, but we do not want to get them again. It is important to learn to distinguish the real danger from the imaginary one. There are actions that are clearly incompatible with the continuation of a relationship: if you have already suffered with an alcoholic once, then the second such experience will not be fundamentally different. But if a bad experience was with a partner born under the sign of Scorpio, then this does not mean that all Scorpions are a danger to you. Restoring the trust in the opposite sex that lies in ruins can be very difficult, it takes a lot of time and effort. But if you want to build strong relationships, only mutual trust will allow you to move forward. Trust must be learned, no matter how heavy the burden of past traumas.

4. Stop bullshitting and creating problems from scratch

We love to imagine problems so we can dive into them. Often we imagine the worst possible scenarios, and then live in constant fear that these fears will come true. Thinking up problems in a relationship, you literally start digging a hole for them. Why? The main reason is the lack of a sense of security. If you doubt yourself and do not realize your own worth, you will not allow others to take care of you, and you will remain in a state of anxiety.

An anxious passenger always doubts the driver. He feels terrible not being in control of the process. He draws in his head the most terrible pictures in which the driver fell asleep, lost control. The passenger is in a state of constant stress. All you need to understand is that in any relationship, just like on the road, there are difficult parts. There are twists and turns, mood changes, moments of affection and friction. If it is difficult for you, this does not mean that the relationship is destroyed and the partner has become a stranger. Learning to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in life is an important step towards self-confidence.

5. Stop focusing on flaws

There are no ideal relationships. If today you are in the clouds, and the union seems perfect, it will not be so forever. Imperfections are real and beautiful. Look at grandparents, how long they’ve been together and how sweetly they make fun of each other’s shortcomings. This attitude, based on acceptance, rather than punishing your loved one for any inconsistency with your expectations, provides the basis for a lasting union. Of course, this does not mean that you should accept into your life everyone who is ready to accept you, even if they are clearly not suitable for you. Experiencing temporary difficulties in a relationship, you should not chop off your shoulder. Insecure people are constantly looking for signs that something is not right in their relationship. Try to change your approach and start looking for what is right.

Remember that you won’t be forced to be nice. If only you need a relationship, then it is unlikely that you will be able to save them. In this case, it is better to let go of the person and move on.