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How to stop withdrawing into yourself and become happy, how to get rid of loneliness and find yourself in life? Blogger Gretchen Rubin answers.
“Loneliness is the biggest enemy on the path to happiness. This is a barrier that often seems insurmountable to us. The more I think about happiness, the more I realize that the problem of loneliness should not be underestimated and ignored. However, “being alone” and “being lonely” are not the same thing. Loneliness devastates and drains strength, and solitude energizes and sets in a creative way.
If I were asked to name the main key to a happy life, I would answer without hesitation – strong ties with the people around me. When they are absent, we feel lonely.
Helping others and feeling that someone needs you is a very healing feeling.
When I was writing Better Than Before, about habits and habit formation, I wondered if they could help us deal with this problem? Here are a few habits to develop to protect yourself from loneliness.
1. Help others
Baby-sit with your friends so they can finally go out for a romantic dinner. Join a charity trip to an orphanage, get a dog. Helping and feeling that someone needs you is very healing for us. To achieve happiness, it is important not only to receive support, but also to give it.
2. Connect with people
Keep in touch with colleagues – go to lunch together, invite them to coffee and do not refuse such invitations yourself, do not miss corporate parties. Sign up for a group workout, go to educational seminars and trainings. There, in addition to gaining useful skills and knowledge, you can communicate with like-minded people.
3. Get enough sleep
Sleep disturbance is a bodily symptom that, oddly enough, also plunges us into loneliness. You can’t fall asleep for a long time, often wake up at night, and during the day you can’t get rid of a sleepy state? Get out of this whirlpool. Chronic lack of sleep not only prevents you from making contact with other people, it also causes a bad mood, which greatly undermines the immune system.
Most importantly, go to bed at the same time. That’s the only way a habit can form.
What to do? Here are some of my favorite tricks: 30 minutes before bedtime, put away your smartphone and laptop (the blue light from their screens disrupts sleep), take a warm shower and apply body cream. Completely, including heels. I have found that as soon as I spend an extra couple of minutes applying cream to my feet and lightly massaging them, I completely relax. But most importantly, go to bed at the same time. This is the only way a habit can form.
4. Stay open
Loneliness makes us secretive, suspicious and gloomy. It is more difficult for single people than ordinary people to get in touch with a new person. If you notice such changes in yourself, and you perceive each new acquaintance negatively in advance, then try to become more open. Get in the habit of being the first to start a conversation, smiling at baristas in coffee shops and shop assistants.
5. Ask yourself the right questions
Don’t ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” or “When will it end?”. The right question to ask yourself is: “What exactly am I missing to stop being lonely?” Perhaps you just need a best friend. Or a romantic partner. Or you want to be part of a large and friendly group. Or maybe you just don’t like living alone in an empty apartment?
There are many causes and varieties of loneliness. Not all people want to have close friends if they have a husband or wife. Not all people like big companies, some prefer to spend time in the company of their closest ones. But as soon as you are honest with yourself and understand what exactly you lack for happiness, it will be very easy to overcome loneliness. With the help of these habits, for example.
About the Author: Gretchen Rubin is an attorney, blogger, and author of Better Than Before (Crown, 2015).