5 ways to be kinder to yourself

Self-criticism is like a bad habit: the more we do it, the deeper it takes root in the brain and turns into an automatic model of thinking. The roots of self-criticism must be sought in childhood. In adulthood, we do not even notice how we are looking for evidence of our insolvency. For example, considering ourselves clumsy, we regard spilled coffee as proof of our awkwardness: “Well, this is necessary, right on a clean shirt. Here’s the slob!”

The alternative to self-criticism is self-compassion. It helps to rewire the brain and change harmful thought patterns. We can learn to respond to mistakes and shortcomings from a position of kindness and understanding. This is what a reaction to a spilled coffee might look like: “Looks like I was nervous and tired. Perhaps you need to slow down, you should not load yourself so much. ”

This reaction helps to recognize that you are going through difficult times, and to look at yourself as an ordinary person. You’re not perfect, but that doesn’t make you bad or worthless. The following methods will help you learn self-compassion.

1. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

When you make a mistake or fail to achieve your goal, do not rush to criticize, condemn yourself and focus on what you did wrong. Compassion can motivate more than criticism and punishment. Allow yourself to make mistakes and forgive yourself for them. It will help you learn, develop, and become the person you want to be.

2. Don’t take other people’s opinions to heart

The desire to please others is natural, but if you trust other people’s opinions more than your own, then you risk well-being. To please everyone in the world is an impossible task. Your thoughts and opinions are just as important as those of others. Do not suppress needs and ideas.

Treat other people’s thoughts with curiosity. You don’t have to agree with them or do what they want you to do. Start small: practice with people you feel safe around. Gradually, your self-confidence will grow stronger.

3. Ask for help

Many people think they can do it on their own and don’t need help. It’s a delusion. Humans are social beings, we all depend on each other. We ask for help when our child is sick or the car breaks down, this is normal. In a healthy relationship, there is always room for mutual assistance. Do not take asking for help as a sign of weakness or inferiority.

4. Celebrate what you do well

The brain is programmed to automatically notice mistakes and shortcomings. It is more difficult to notice what we do well and correctly. Set aside a few minutes each evening to reflect on the day. Write down what you accomplished today that you are proud of. It doesn’t have to be something grand. Just praise and mentally pat yourself on the back for getting the job done on time or staying awake in a boring meeting. This technique will teach you to recognize your merits and look at the situation from the outside.

5. Pamper yourself

It often feels like the reward has to be earned. For example, first answer ten letters and only then call a friend and chat. But you can pamper yourself for no particular reason. The main thing is that it works for you. Ask yourself what you need right now. Consider if you can give yourself this. When we nurture and cherish ourselves, physical and emotional well-being becomes much better.

Source: PsychoCentral.