Contents
Usually people talk about burnout at work. But this also happens in the family. The psychologist offers non-obvious ways to avoid this.
We are in a unique situation where the average life expectancy has increased by 20 years. And the question arises: how can we adapt to this unexpected gift of civilization?
People whose children are grown but need attention from grandchildren and aging parents have been called the “sandwich generation.” We found ourselves between children and parents and feel responsible for both.
The problem of the “sandwich generation” is to find the boundaries of their responsibility to parents and children
Our parents did not allow themselves «all these» depression, burnout and laziness. The setting was different: life is short, it would be time to complete the basic understandable tasks. The main thing is not to leave free time.
The younger generation knows about the possibilities that the older ones never dreamed of. They are so different that we cannot advise them. They live according to the laws of the future now.
We, those in the middle, face the problem of burnout. Emotional exhaustion takes more energy than physical exertion. It is useful to recognize it before depressive syndromes arise, when you don’t want to see anyone, when you are sleepy during the day, and insomnia at night, when it seems that the best times are behind you.
In fact, this additional youth given to us is subjectively assessed by many as a happy time.
This is the time for the realization of old dreams, although alignment with parents prevents us from believing in it. It is difficult for us to allow ourselves everything that they considered impossible after a certain age.
Here are some exercises that will help you avoid burnout and enjoy the opportunities that come your way.
Draw an inner house
Draw a house, a castle of your inner world, your soul. All areas of responsibility, desires, dreams, needs, let them find their rooms, corners or even halls there. If there are too many or too few, is it worth changing. Decorate this house.
Let there be a rest room. What does it look like, how big and light? Perhaps there are no windows at all, but only a bed. Is it in the center of the house with many doors or somewhere in the corner, small and cozy? Who can go there? How long will you spend there? It must be found.
Draw, do not spare time and colors, you can play this for more than one day and even discuss this drawing — a little jokingly, a little seriously — with someone who is interested in the topic.
Write a letter to your body
Write a letter to your body, ask what it really needs, whether it is offended by the hostess. And then write back to him to express complaints and say thank you. It is the source of many joys and many sorrows. Just start like this: “My dear beloved body, the hostess writes to you …”
Listen to laziness-assistant
And laziness to help us. She warns us of fatigue. She can make it clear that it is time to think about urgent problems. It’s time not just to relax, it’s time to change the scenario of life, where I will be the main character for myself …
And nothing terrible will happen if those close to you know the limits of responsibility that you yourself take on with pleasure or with necessity (you must definitely share this). This is convenient, many conflicts will simply disappear — of course, if everyone is given such an opportunity.
Uncertainty in Requirements Creates Guilt
They can be manipulated from infinity to zero if desired. By the way, the uncertainty of the boundaries of responsibility is often a male problem. It seems to men that they should be responsible for everything at once, at the same time and always.
The reverse side of this exorbitant demand is to give up on everything and let it take its course. To avoid this, define the boundaries of the responsibilities that you take on. And listen to laziness: it will tell you when to take a break.
Forgive yourself for imperfection
This is not even an exercise, but something that is useful to remind yourself of. We definitely need a positive reinforcement of our activities, without it it is very difficult to find strength. When there is «no strength», coldness to loved ones may occur. After all, love also needs energy. And women confess with fear, for example: “I don’t love my child” or mom, dad, who require attention. The feeling of guilt from these thoughts also takes away strength.
It is impossible and not necessary to be perfect, it is uncomfortable for loved ones. We all have something to remember about our mistakes. And we will not be able to avoid new mistakes in the future, even if we are cool psychologists. Say to yourself from time to time: “I can’t and don’t have to be perfect.” And do not brush aside gratitude for your help and good deeds. Accept it and enjoy the fact that your merits are recognized.
Decide on your desires
Write a column of 10 wishes, any that come to mind. Look at the list and cross out those that do not apply to you personally, highlight those without which you are not you. It is not necessary to rush to execute them immediately. But remember them and move in the direction you want as soon as the opportunity arises.