Communication with some people causes negative emotions (anger, despair, melancholy), spoils the mood and discourages the desire to do something. This is a sure sign of contact with a “toxic” person. The psychiatrist identifies five types of such people and advises to stop communicating with them.
“Toxic” can be not only casual acquaintances or colleagues. One of the descriptions below might fit a family member, business partner, or close friend. Of course, it will be difficult to completely stop communicating with such a person, but at least try to minimize contacts for your own good. And no, this is not a sign of selfishness.
1. Critic
He sees mistakes in your actions and decisions, constantly criticizes your behavior, manner of dressing and holding on to people. Are you doing anything right at all? Next to a critic, you always feel worthless, a mistake of nature. No matter how hard you try, you never get anything right. At the same time, the critic only scolds, but does not give advice.
Let’s say you’re 15 minutes late for a meeting with him and instead of asking what happened, the critic immediately rushes to reproach you: “You’re so optional – you can never show up on time! That’s why everything in your life is messed up!” This is the difference between a critic and a good friend who would definitely ask why you were late and did not call. If being late is a bad habit for you, a friend might play a kind joke or try to help you become more organized. But criticism is not necessary. Instead of helping, he reproaches you and suppresses you as a person, while asserting himself at your expense.
An important point: the critic condemns the person, not his behavior. Often the role is played by the parent telling the child, “You’re a bad boy/bad girl,” instead of saying, “You did a bad thing.”
2. Passive aggressor
This person expresses dissatisfaction with you or behavior with hints, omissions, meaningful silence, or giving other veiled signals. He never speaks directly about his desires and discontent. You have to guess for yourself and fix everything. He answers questions with riddles: “Can’t you see it yourself?” and “What do you think?” Or he answers with the air of a victim: “It’s okay, I’m not offended.”
You can spend half your life trying to figure out the logic of the behavior of a passive aggressor
At the same time, the passive aggressor continues to maintain a distance, demonstrating that you are to blame. Communicating with such a person is like trying to walk on an eggshell without a crunch. No matter how careful you are, the crunch will still be heard.
You will have to constantly find out what he or she really thinks, why he is angry. You can spend half your life trying to figure out the logic of the behavior of a passive aggressor. But do you need it?
3. Narcissus
This person wants to always be in the spotlight. He knows everything and everything, he is the best in any business and does not hesitate to remind about it every minute. Even if you yourself are a smart and successful person, next to him you will always play a supporting role. Think why do you need it?
The narcissist constantly looks down on those around him. You may even want to compete with him, but this is a pointless exercise. He always gives vent to emotions, splashing out the anger and hatred that accumulates in him due to low self-esteem. In such situations, narcissists are ready to destroy everyone around.
4. Stone wall
This person can call himself your friend. However, when problems arise, he refuses to share his feelings. He constantly avoids direct questions, and because of this, you feel unworthy of close communication.
He not only refuses to communicate with you, he makes you feel frustrated and angry. This winning tactic of political debate is absolutely unacceptable in friendly conversation. The rock wall behavior is kind of like passive-aggressive behavior, only it doesn’t try to convey a hidden message to you. He doesn’t feel the need to say anything at all.
In the behavior of such a person, both the traits of a sociopath (aggressiveness and unpredictability) and the inclinations of a psychopath (inability to repent and empathy, use of others in one’s own interests, greed, revenge) can be traced. The antisocial personality is a psychological chameleon that plays with other people’s emotions to get their way and control the situation.
Such a person skillfully weaves his web, and others do not guess about his essence. Moreover: an antisocial person is often considered the soul of the company and a great friend. However, having fallen in love with others, an antisocial person begins to use them for his own purposes. It is very difficult to resist such predatory behavior. People around refuse to believe in any negativity regarding an antisocial personality, rejecting any evidence until it is too late.
Did you recognize someone from your environment in one of these types? Quickly flee. Well, if your social circle consists only of such people, this is an occasion to think about why you choose them and what attracts them.
About the Author: Ralph Ryback is a psychiatrist and addiction specialist.