In their productivity tips, coaches put a lot of emphasis on the “right” morning. To have a successful day, it is important to eat “that” and not “that” breakfast, do “that” and avoid “that,” they argue. Which of these tips can be harmful to the psyche?
Many of the recommended practices, such as morning exercises or journaling, can actually be helpful. “But if these rituals become a duty that we can’t refuse, it can become a source of additional stress,” says psychologist Han Ren.
If we are convinced that the morning should be “perfect”, then we create the ground for perfectionism and anxiety. Any deviation from the plan makes us worry. And even healthy morning habits and rituals can turn against us if we convince ourselves that the whole day will go wrong without them.
A person prone to perfectionism may even be tormented by guilt and shame for a “bad” morning, says family therapist Atina Danilo. And psychotherapist Alison Nobrega adds: “Some people develop a subconscious belief that if I don’t get everything I have planned for the morning, I won’t be able to be productive at work. The result is anxiety, which is really bad for performance.”
What useful morning rituals can become sources of stress for us?
long breakfasts
It is often said that a leisurely breakfast helps us start the day in a calm and balanced state. But this advice is not for everyone. For example, if you have children, in the morning it is important for you to feed them and take them to the garden in the first place. It is very difficult to allow yourself to eat in peace in the midst of this chaos.
By trying to do this, you are overloading yourself. And even if you don’t have kids, it’s possible that the extra 30 minutes of sleep will be much more valuable to you.
Keeping a diary
Many experts say that it is very useful to write in a diary in the morning, and in many cases this is true. But if keeping a diary in the morning becomes a duty, it causes a feeling of pressure. “Especially if you set yourself tough conditions: “Every morning I have to write for 30 minutes, and do it only in a certain way,” says Nóbrega.
It is worth remembering that keeping a diary is not useful for everyone and not always. “Some people are very important interlocutor. And the need to be alone with your thoughts, putting them in writing, is unsettling,” explains Alison Nóbrega.
Remember that journaling is only a way of working through experiences and emotions: the process itself is important, not some final goal.
Making a to-do list
Many people like to plan the day in advance. To-do lists usually help reduce anxiety, but it’s important to listen to your feelings to see if it’s having the opposite effect.
“If you want to get as much done as possible and make a plan for yourself that you can’t fulfill in any way, then you only increase your anxiety. You may even be moving the unfinished tasks from yesterday’s list to today’s, and thereby once again showing yourself that you do not meet the inflated standards that you have set for yourself, ”explains Han Ren.
For some, this turns into a kind of ritual punishment of oneself. There is a solution: instead of a list of upcoming tasks, try to make a list of completed ones. This will help you remember your accomplishments.
Communication with loved ones
In the mornings, we are usually in a hurry and can hardly fully communicate with relatives. In addition, our schedules do not always coincide, and therefore you should not insist on a joint breakfast to the detriment of your interests or contrary to the wishes of others.
“Of course, it’s great when the whole family gathers at the same table, but it’s far from always worth insisting that everyone eat breakfast together, especially if everyone has a lot to do in the morning. In this case, it would be better to get together for dinner, already without any haste,” recommends Atina Danilo.
Instant start
Many experts advise using the bed only for sleep and sex and resisting the temptation to check email and social media while in bed. But if you try to strictly follow this rule, problems may arise. You may feel compelled to get out of bed immediately after waking up, not allowing yourself to lie down even for a couple of minutes.
Listen to your feelings: if you allow yourself to use your smartphone in bed, will it give you energy and vigor, or, on the contrary, will it only increase anxiety and stress? Choose the option that best suits you.