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When raising children, we sometimes worry about what really means little to them. Instead, it’s better to focus on what’s really important. What principles of education should be paid attention first of all?
My wife Ashley and I recently welcomed our fourth child. And for me, each new child is an occasion to indulge in nostalgia and reflect on my own childhood.
I think about what from the past is remembered most often and why. And about what memories I would like to leave about myself with my children. I want to plan ahead and foresee every precious moment.
The only purpose of children is to replace us. Therefore, their first words are: “mom, dad, bye-bye!” This is funny. But jokes aside, this is a reminder: life is short and the time spent with children will pass very quickly.
Try to make sure that the children around you always feel safe.
I want to make the most of every minute and leave some kind of legacy that will outlive me for a long time. It’s not that I’m morbidly obsessed with this idea, but it’s important for me not to lose sight of the main thing when I spend time with children.
Like many others, we tend to worry about things that mean little. Children most likely won’t remember every detail of the home decor or our beautiful garden, whether the refrigerator was filled with brand name products or the most common ones. Let’s focus on what’s important.
1. The time they felt safe because of you.
Every child is vulnerable and needs protection. Your children will remember those evenings when you chased away the nightmares. But in the same way they will remember the moment when a monster woke up in you and seriously scared them.
Of course, sooner or later, children will have to see us angry, furious, because this is also part of life. But try to make sure that the children next to you always feel safe.
2. The time when your attention was completely theirs
Children measure love primarily by attention to them. The moments when you left everything to drink tea together, go outside to play ball or jump on a trampoline will be remembered by him.
Try to find time for such small things, because in the end it is these moments spent together that will be most significant for children.
3. Your communication style with your husband or wife
Children form the idea of love for the most part by watching how parents communicate with each other, relate to each other.
May your words be full of love and support
Strive for an alliance that will awaken in them the desire to someday marry or be married. Give the feeling of security that a person feels when watching a tender and respectful relationship between father and mother.
4. Your words of approval and criticism
Children’s identity and self-image, their idea of their potential, is largely based on the words you say to them in their first years of life.
Yes, part of our job as parents is to correct the child’s behavior and discipline him, but even in these moments, do not forget about positive reinforcement. May your words be full of love and support.
5. Family traditions
Children love spontaneity, but are almost more eager for predictable events. They will remember with great warmth all those traditions that you lay down, whether it is a weekly movie screening or games in the evenings, or a place where you go on vacation with the whole family year after year, celebrating birthdays or any other significant events.
Make an effort to invent and maintain such rituals. Perhaps then your children will want to transfer them to their family.
About the author: Dave Willis is a pastor at Stevens Creek Church in Augusta, Georgia. He is the author of The Seven Laws of Love: The Basic Principles of Strong Relationships.