5 things women do that men think of as passive aggression

She doesn’t let me move forward.

Nikita, 32 years old

I’ve always wanted to have my own business. In order to gain experience, he first got a job in a specialized company, was engaged in logistics. When I decided to go free swimming, I did not expect that my girlfriend would not support me.

“Why quit an excellent job that brings a stable income”, “if nothing works out, you will only lose money” – these are her words. I had to spend a lot of energy to resist such negativism.

A well-paid job allowed her to count on benefits that she did not want to lose, because in her own business at first she would have to work for the future and not hope for quick money.

In the end, her main argument – “You do not have enough determination, you are not made for your cause” – seemed humiliating to me. I realized that we are just not on the way.

She makes you feel forever guilty

Alexey, 35 years old

Her nit-picking and scandals have become part of our lives. I constantly had to make uncomfortable decisions for myself, to do only what she felt was right. Go to her relatives for the weekend. Rest where she wants. See your friends with her consent.

I have a hard time with a man who never admits his mistakes. Tired of hearing that “everything good between us happens only because of her.” I felt myself in the role of the accused, and my girlfriend turned from a close person and beloved woman into a prosecutor.

When one day I refused to accompany her to visit people who are not close to me, and she again accused me of selfishness, our relationship ended.

She belittles the achievements of a man and mocks him.

Alexander, 26 years old

It all started, it would seem, with little things. I told her that the boss appreciated the project I was working on. “Well, finally, at least someone praised you,” she replied.

She ended up making fun of me in front of other people. She could jokingly tell how I made a mistake in something. In the end, I realized that this is how she increases her own self-esteem.

She makes me jealous on purpose

Vasily, 27 years old

Of course, from the very beginning I understood that my girlfriend is very beautiful and attracts the attention of men. Later it turned out that she had more male acquaintances than I could have imagined. She immediately said that she does not know how to be friends with women.

And when we already lived together, she continued to constantly correspond with someone, answered calls. She told me they were just her friends. We began to quarrel, and I realized that she likes that I’m jealous. Moreover, she deliberately makes me suffer.

I do not think that she physically cheated on me, rather, she needed a constant stream of attention and admiration. It fueled her ego. She didn’t care about my feelings.

She turns you into a servant

Mikhail, 36 years old

When we first met, I was in love and fascinated by her. He gladly responded to requests – any help to her was a joy for me. I tried to always be there, until, in the end, I realized that she constantly acts as a victim who needs to be saved.

And when, due to objective reasons, I can’t do something for her, she gets offended and punishes with silence, stops answering calls.

At first I was very worried. He blamed himself, tried to ask her forgiveness, until he finally realized that most of her problems were far-fetched. And she could do it on her own.

Perhaps she herself sincerely believed that she constantly needed help and support, but this turned into a form of manipulation.

“Silently endure, and then leave the relationship – the sad reality of many couples”

Daria Petrovskaya, gestalt therapist

Let’s analyze all five stories, which are largely united by the inability of the characters to go through the stage of disappointment in relationships.

Nikita:

It is impossible for an adult to allow or not allow to move forward. The decision to develop is made by the one who needs it. Perhaps this choice will not please or frighten his partner, and then tension will arise in the relationship. It is important to face this conflict honestly, and not to expect approval and a “correct” reaction from another.

Alexei:

And here my comment will be similar. You can’t make an adult feel guilty for something they didn’t do. There is real guilt, and there is neurotic. Refusal to accompany a partner to where he needs to be can really cause dissatisfaction.

In this case, it is good to look for compromises. For example, “I don’t mind visiting your parents no more than once a month/year/several years.” If such a form cannot be found, or one of the pair is too categorical, then a break is inevitable.

Alexander:

In the third story, I sympathize with the hero. However, in couples therapy, I have noticed many times that one of the partners may not be aware of the feelings of the other at all.

If at the beginning of the relationship it was customary to joke and make fun of each other, then the girl could not assume that her lover would subsequently be offended. The only option here is to mark your boundary clearly and clearly: “I don’t like it, don’t do it again.”

Vasiliy:

This story is about false expectations. From the very beginning, the girl was sociable and did not hide her male friends. Where did her young man have expectations that with his arrival in her life she would give them up?

In addition, it is not clear whether she really provoked jealousy or whether it was difficult for a man to cope with his feelings.

Michael:

The fifth story looks like a disappointment. In fact, nothing has changed, but the hero’s attitude to helping his beloved for some reason became sharply opposite. Why did he believe that help was needed before, and then stopped? What is the difficulty in saying “I can’t” and giving the other the right to your reaction? Suppose a girl is really offended, but what is unbearable for a man?

Men accuse their partners of passive aggression, not noticing that it is manifested in them too, that they shift the responsibility for their feelings to women. After all, the difference between a passive form and an active one is that one or both cannot withstand direct dialogue on uncomfortable topics.

Active aggression is not about yelling at each other loudly. It consists in not moving away from communication when you experience difficult feelings. The silence of men is also an action, and it has its consequences.

To endure and then leave a relationship, unfortunately, is the sad reality of many families. Many have the expectation that the other will guess how not to deal with him, but in reality this is often not the case.