Contents
Dating and first dates are not easy for everyone. Especially for introverts. How to overcome shyness and not fail the first meeting? Blogger Norman Arvidson, of course, an introvert, shares his proven methods.
Every time I go to the meeting place, my chest freezes. 10 minutes before the appointed time, I am ready to cancel everything. And there always comes a moment when I don’t know what to think, and after saying the first few words, I fall silent in utter panic. Yes, I am an introvert.
Unfortunately for us introverts, there are no options – you have to go on dates. Answering the same questions to different people over and over again about who we are, what we love and what we do.
To leave a cozy house in a big and noisy world. Let the one we see for the first time at close range.
But let’s look at it from the other side. Do you want to find love? Then you have to go through it. It doesn’t happen otherwise.
Over the years, I’ve developed a few tricks that make it easier to accept the fact that I have to talk to complete strangers.
You are lucky – I am ready to share them.
1. A little more coffee, a little less alcohol
I know that the temptation to get a little courage with alcohol is very great, but here’s the thing: if you, like me, can’t always find words, alcohol will become your enemy. Only coffee!
2. Short and cryptic
Leave room for imagination. Let the new acquaintance want to know more about you.
The real purpose of a first date is to arouse curiosity. Both of you at this time ask yourself the same questions: “Do I want to spend more time with this person? Do I want to know more? And if the answer is yes, you might consider scheduling a new date… interrupting the current one just in time.
Personally, I know that I can normally maintain a conversation for a maximum of 90 minutes, so I try to end the date at the peak of my activity!
3. In familiar places
After many attempts to invent new and original ways to meet and find unexpected places, I realized that this is not the best option for an introvert.
I need solid ground under my feet. I’m sure you do too. In addition, if your new acquaintance likes the place as much as you do, it will mean that you and her are on the same wavelength in some way (perhaps you are lucky and she is also an introvert!).
Personally, I always have a plan A and a back-up plan B. I go for nice little cafes that aren’t too crowded. And if it still turns out to be noisy there, there is definitely a park next to this cafe where you can run away and wander together in silence.
Avoid mass events if you get tired of them. Concerts? Save it for the second date or you won’t get a chance to talk.
Good choices for an introvert are walking or biking trails, cultural events, museums. Everything where there is space, the opportunity to move and discuss impressions.
4.Questions and more questions
This is the rule of dating: you have to ask the interlocutor about something. And even then, when you live together for 40 years and you have grandchildren, you will still need to ask each other questions. (“How was your day, dear?”)
If you meet on the Internet – write honestly. When asked, “How do you spend your Friday night?”, there is a temptation to embellish reality and answer: “With friends at the bar.”
But it’s not about you! Answer as is – “In yoga class, and I like it.” There will be someone who will understand you.
Once I was sitting on a first date in front of a girl who asked a minor question about my work. I literally dug into the details of the answer, while running through my mind the options for how to present it in a smarter way so that she would not get bored to death.
But I completely forgot that you could ask her about something! This simple truth is difficult for an introvert.
For a first date to go well, you need to have a dialogue. Listening is just as important as sharing thoughts. If someone asked you how many siblings you have, they may already be looking forward to talking about their relatives they love.
Get in the habit of checking yourself: did I ask the other person about something? Did I learn something about this person?
As one extrovert wrote in the comments to an article about introverts, “I never had a problem getting to know someone and chatting… But I talk to people for one reason — because they are interesting to me!”
5. Well-deserved indulgence
Don’t bet too high. Every date doesn’t have to be perfect, and you definitely shouldn’t go on a date thinking, “It’s got to be Her.” With your talent for noticing and analyzing everything, you have probably already created a portrait of the one you will meet in advance. Too much pressure – both on you and on her. It’s better to treat the date as an experiment.
AFTER THE DATE
Introverts have the peculiarity of remembering everything to the smallest detail and thinking about the little things that their companion might not have noticed, and immediately build forecasts and catastrophic scenarios based on them.
Remember what was good, and think about a new meeting with a smile.
Dating is scary and… exciting. You can experience these feelings at the same time, and this is a sign that something interesting is happening. You challenge yourself but stay true to your introvert nature.
And what could be sexier than a person who challenges and is true to himself?
About the Expert: Norman Arvidson is a blogger who writes articles for a website dedicated to introverts and their way of looking at the world.