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Often, under the influence of emotions, we do things that we later regret. But it is impossible to rewind time. Therefore, it is so important to be able to control yourself and respond correctly. Especially when it comes to correspondence, work or personal. Writer and meditation teacher Gadadhara Pandit gives step-by-step instructions on how to respond to a letter if it pisses you off.
Gadadhara Pandit Dasa, meditation teacher, author of Urban Monk: Exploring Karma, Consciousness, and the Divine, Rodale, 2013.
Hasty and thoughtless correspondence can destroy relationships and ruin a career. Too often we write emails and send messages without double-checking the content and without giving importance to the tone of the email. We do not know how the interlocutor will perceive our letter. But when we clicked on the “Submit” button, it’s too late to fix anything. Here are some tips to help you keep your head down after sending an email.
These recommendations are based on my personal experience.
1. Don’t write letters or messages when you’re angry.
In moments of anger, our mind and reason become clouded. We get irritated, and just as clouds cover the sun, our emotions block our ability to think rationally. In such a “greenhouse” the mind will not allow us to write a good and constructive message, but will only make it worse.
2. Take a break
When we feel that someone is pointing a finger at us, we immediately want to respond to the stimulus and fight back. When something like this happens to me, I prefer to wait one day before responding. I want to make sure that I am calm and can adequately assess the situation. Maybe it wasn’t as much of an accusation as I thought. Do not try to immediately give him your assessment.
3. Be objective
If you have a trustworthy friend, let him read the letter and see if the letter is as bad as you thought. I have a friend who looks at things from a more positive side than me. A friend who sees things the same way you do will not be of any use to you. On the contrary, he (or she) may make the situation worse.
The same applies to aggressive messages you are about to send. Give them to a friend to read and see if you are at war with anyone at work or in your personal life. Once again, this friend should be an objective thinker and be able to rephrase your letter and put it in a positive tone to get your ideas across without offending the other person.
4. Try to see the other person’s point of view
This is very difficult, especially if you have been accused or criticized. If we are able to stop and take stock of the situation, then we can try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and understand why they said what they said. Obviously, there is a reason for this and in most cases it is simply a misunderstanding and a misinterpretation of our words and actions. Of course, we must approach this practice more thoughtfully than ever, if not more, because if we do not do it with an open mind and a humble heart, the consequences can be even worse.
5. Clarify the situation
This is not always possible for various reasons: the person is very far away or simply does not want to talk to you. But if there are no restrictions, try to talk to the author of the letter in person and explain your point of view and understand it. Messages and emails can very easily confuse and misunderstand conversations, and most of us are just trying to be understood. Healthy communication depends on many factors, but a little mindfulness and patience can save us a lifetime of regrets and keep our hearts at peace.
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