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You don’t want anything. You feel empty. You have something to thank fate for, but you do not feel gratitude. Our author, who once found herself in such a situation, says that it helped her to return to life.
People around me are used to the fact that I work hard, never complain and readily take on any task. I am often asked what helps me not to get tired of life and enjoy every day. So I decided to share my story. I hope it helps rekindle your inner spark.
In childhood, we are all full of hope and positive, we love life, whatever it may be. We glow from within. But on the way we meet different people who love and hate us. They bombard us with advice. They teach us how to live. Gradually, we lose faith in our own worth, and the fire inside goes out. Now it’s time to bring it back.
As a child, I exuded optimism. Maybe even too much
My childhood was creepy. We were immigrants, our parents barely spoke English, so we didn’t have too many opportunities to succeed in life.
We lived in a house, but without a roof over our heads, because there was not enough money for rent while we tried to renovate that apartment. One night it started to rain heavily and I woke up in a wet bed. There was almost knee-deep water on the floor. Mom still has a kitchen table with a «water» mark on the legs.
The parents sold the house as soon as the renovation was completed. We moved to another «construction site» where we lived for the next nine months. We moved almost every year in search of a better life. We constantly teetered on the edge of the financial abyss. But that was not our main problem.
The parents felt betrayed. They wanted to be happy, but they could only make money by doing things they didn’t like. In other words, doing a job that has nothing to do with who you are and what you’re good at. The kind of job where you get paid to do something that anyone could do, willing to put up with anything.
Even when parents were able to achieve relative financial well-being, they did not feel happy
And I had no idea that you can make money without suffering and without stepping over yourself. I was sure that you can not earn a lot and be a happy person at the same time. Even after I got accepted to college and moved away from the resentment, stress and anger that took over everyday life in my parents’ house, I saw no other way.
Enticing prospects loomed before me. There were bizarre job titles that my family had never heard of or dreamed of. Investment banking, management consulting, mutual funds. But my heart yearned for something else. I was drawn to art, music, philosophy. However, the parents said: “Don’t be stupid! Earn money!
After graduating, I found my first job on Wall Street. Then she got a position as an analyst in one of the largest hedge funds in the world at that time. And the fire inside me went out.
For several years in a row, I cried every night. I was in a daze and felt completely hopeless. Eventually I quit. I did not understand what I would do and what I would live on. But I needed to find the meaning of life again. Here’s what helped me.
1. Start small
There were days after I was fired when I had a hard time getting myself out of bed. It’s OK. Praise yourself even for this. Were you able to do another five-minute stretch? It’s generally great. You can be proud of yourself.
You have lost confidence in your ability to do what you want. No problem. This has happened to many
Choose a lesson, the result of which will depend only on you, set a deadline and complete it. Repeat this task until you feel ready for more challenging tasks.
People say, «Pretend you love this activity until you believe it.» But this rule doesn’t work. You will always know that you are faking. This will destroy your self-confidence. Your inner fire will go out. So stop pretending and start acting.
2. Stop agreeing
Many take jobs they hate, buy clothes that others call fashionable, and put up with mediocre treatment. As a result, life ceases to bring joy.
When we worry about things forced by other people, we stop living our lives.
Set your own priorities. Decide what is most important to you at the moment. Let it be just three things that are most valuable to you. Something you are willing to spend your time, energy and money on.
Only these three priority things need to be said «yes». Don’t focus on making money. Think about what you can give to your children, parents, loved ones and friends. Build strong human relationships. Otherwise, you, like me, risk falling into depression.
3. Use all your talents
Gary Vaynerchuk understands wines, videos and business. He launched Wine Library TV, a webcast dedicated to wine. Steve Jobs understood design and technology. He created Apple.
Most of us view our abilities vertically. We choose one talent and try to succeed somewhere with it. Instead, you can look at your abilities horizontally and create a unique combination of skills, abilities, and aspirations.
Think about where such a mix can come in handy?
Usually we try to fit into the existing business model, adapt to the needs of employers. We say: «I’m ready for anything in the name of financial success.» Wouldn’t it be better to think about what makes you unique and how that will help you succeed? Make a plan of action. You will understand how great it is to be yourself.
4. Don’t hope for a financial miracle
When we decide to change our lives, we hope for help from above. Lottery win, inheritance, financial miracle. Stop. Don’t go crazy.
The ability to create something important in spite of obvious difficulties is one of the best qualities of a person.
You must develop this character trait. You cannot hope that someone or something will come to the rescue.
Soberly evaluate everything and plan your budget. Even if it is difficult, boring and sad because of the amount of money in your account. Without monetary settlements, it is impossible to proceed to action. So stop dreaming.
5. Get rid of the toxic environment
When I made the decision to quit, my parents twirled a finger to my temple. Everyone answered me. It was very difficult. In your environment there will definitely be people who do not believe in your strength, lower self-esteem and impose their opinion. You need to limit communication with them. Even if the closest ones turn out to be such toxic characters. Allowing them into your life, you spend a lot of energy.
Do not succumb to provocations, stick to your position. Do not doubt. Then no one can break your faith in yourself. Surround yourself with those who will support your goals and aspirations. So you realize that many doubts were just an echo of what you heard about yourself.
About the Author: Jane Hwangbo is a motivational speaker, financial management expert, and blogger.