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Even if we abstract from the moral side of the issue, there are many disadvantages to having a relationship with a married man. Holidays alone, constant lies, lack of meaningful intimacy… Worst of all, a woman almost always feels lonely and unworthy of the “main” role. How to break the connection, which in most cases has no future?
There is hardly anyone who dreams of becoming a mistress. Most want family, children, mutual friends. But sometimes it does happen: starting with an innocent flirtation with a married man, we can fall in love with him imperceptibly.
Such novels rarely end in favor of the mistress. Most likely, in the end you will not get anything but pain, regrets and a broken heart. The bad news is that breaking up with a married man is much more difficult than breaking up with a formal partner.
Why? At least for finances. A break with an official partner, as a rule, involves the division of property, even if you were not married: you bought things for an apartment together, and when you part, everyone gets something. Leaving a married lover, you are likely to leave empty-handed.
In addition, married men often spend money on mistresses, whether it be gifts or a “complete package”: paying for an apartment, travel and everyday expenses. It is difficult to give up this lifestyle, especially if you are used to it, but you cannot provide it for yourself yet.
Relationships usually end for a specific reason: for example, you had a fight and realized that you want different things from life.
In a relationship with a married man, you have almost no chance to see his shortcomings. You do not meet so often and try to show your best side, do not have time to bore each other or spoil the mood by talking about loan payments or a dishwasher not unloaded on time. Your communication is a continuous endorphin-adrenaline holiday, an eternal honeymoon. It is very difficult to refuse this.
In addition, you initially have to put up with the fact that a lover has sex with his wife. In a normal situation, this would be perceived as cheating, and it is very likely that you would not tolerate it. And then the worst has already happened and is happening, he is unlikely to do something so out of the ordinary that you decide to leave.
But there is good news: you can end this relationship by using special tactics. Psychotherapist Marni Fjurman talks about how to make the task easier.
1. Place the focus
An effective way is to fall in love with a free man. Most mistresses are faithful to married partners. Think about it: he is not faithful to you. Even if he claims that he and his wife sleep in different rooms, there was no sex for several years, and the last three children are the result of an immaculate conception, artificial insemination, or a conspiracy of a healer.
You should not reduce your life to one man, open up to new opportunities. Around full of interesting and free men. If someone interests you, breaking up with your lover will be a matter of one call.
2. Raise your requests
Have you ever asked for money and were content with gifts? Ask for money or more gifts. Most likely, this will quickly begin to annoy the man, and the relationship will crack, because he will show you not only the best sides, but also those that he hid.
3. Spend more time together
Be offended and make claims if he cannot meet with you. Firstly, it will annoy him, because before everything suited you. Secondly, you will have a chance to see his true face, which his wife watches every day. Most likely you won’t like it.
Do not brush aside the unpleasant traits of his character — he is not tired, this is not stress, and you did not «bring him up.» He’s that kind of person, and maybe he’s not right for you. If these discoveries lead to a quarrel, it only works to your advantage. It will be easier to leave and start a new life.
4. Remove the mask of a good and understanding woman
Stop portraying the ideal life partner who is happy with everything. Show your character. Of course, there is a chance that he will like you even more. But the likelihood that you will remind him of the wife from whom he runs away to you is much higher. He will begin to get annoyed, and you will finally be able to wonder whether you are really interested in him as a person, or whether everything rests on something else: on sex, the absence of claims and the opportunity to complain about an eternally dissatisfied spouse.
5. Love yourself more than him.
Why are you satisfied with the crumbs of this person’s attention? Do you consider yourself unworthy of a respectful relationship? Remind yourself that you deserve love and attention as much as he does. If he doesn’t give it to you for whatever reason, it’s time to make room in life for another — someone who will fill her with happiness every day.