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The partner says that he completely forgot the previous passion. But what if your relationship is not developing because, in fact, he is not ready for it yet? Here are a few signs to look out for.
1. He rushes into a new relationship like a pool with his head
It’s simple: he wants to believe that there, in the previous relationship, everything is really over. That he survived the breakup and is ready to move on. Alas, this movement is happening at your expense.
How can I trace this alarm bell? For example, catching yourself thinking that events are developing too rapidly. Does this mean that a person who has not yet put an end to a previous relationship is not worth dating? No, it doesn’t.
But it’s definitely not worth it to hastily move in, especially if he hides his feelings from you. Even with the best of intentions, a partner whose mind and heart is occupied with someone else will not be able to give you what you hope for in the long run.
How does this happen in normal situations? Your relationship develops slowly, at a pace that is comfortable for both of you.
2. And then the relationship stagnates
After the partner forced events and you, for example, began to live together, there comes a moment when he begins to emotionally move away from you, gradually increasing the distance. Simply because he is not sure of his feelings for you and is still thinking about the other one. He begins to break promises and cancel your joint plans.
You may experience confusion and pain. Relations should develop, but this does not happen here, or you are pushing the union with all your might in the direction you need. Stop and think about what is happening. Maybe something happened that made the partner change his mind, change his mind.
How does this happen in normal situations? You do not feel that you are stuck, that the partner, by hook or by crook, is trying to slow down the development of relations.
3. He often remembers the former
At first, this happens very rarely, and you miss such words on deaf ears, but then he begins to mention her more often. In especially “neglected” cases, they even begin to set up an ex-partner as an example – it would not hurt you to dress or behave like her. In a naive attempt to rewrite history and memory, the partner may do in the new relationship what they did in the previous ones.
In most cases, we all feel this intuitively, but we strive to drown out the inner voice.
The natural reaction for many is to take on the role of a rescuer and try to “heal” a partner, but this role should not exhaust you. After all, you are not the therapist for your partner.
How does this happen in normal situations? Former ones can pop up in conversations – but only by the word and not too often.
4. It becomes partially inaccessible
It begins to seem to you that the partner is hiding something, wearing a mask. You can help him open up, but you can’t force him to do so. Perhaps the reason for this behavior is old traumas, but maybe he just does not want to tell what or who is really on his mind.
If you put pressure on your partner, most likely he will be forced to make efforts on himself and open up, but this will be insincere. That kind of tension is draining, which is bound to take a toll on your relationship as a result.
How does this happen in normal situations? Two people who love each other slowly reveal their inner worlds to each other – not out of a sense of duty, but because they want to.
5. You feel like something is wrong
When a partner is preoccupied with thoughts of someone else, they are not present with you in your here and now, at least not entirely. He is emotionally unavailable – and you deserve more.
In most cases, we feel all this intuitively, but we strive to drown out the inner voice. We convince ourselves that the partner “just needs time.” It probably is – but only time alone, not with you. Your presence even slows down the inner work he needs to do.
How does this happen in normal situations? You are not in doubt whether the partner is really passionate about you as much as you are about him.
Realizing that a partner is emotionally unavailable, you need to admit to yourself that the situation is likely not to change in the near future, and decide what to do about it. It is highly likely that, having survived the breakup completely, the partner will realize that you are not at all the one he needs now. If he is not in love with you now, where is the guarantee that this will happen later?