Contents
Finally, for introverts, justice has triumphed: over the past few years, being calm and inwardly directed has become not only acceptable, but also fashionable. But introversion is often mistaken for its more limited, shy, but treatable cousin, social anxiety.
“What, another term?!” some will exclaim in horror. Alas, yes, but you need to master it, because introversion and social anxiety are two different concepts, and in practice one is often replaced by another. While socially anxious introverts do occur, you may very well be an anxious extrovert. For example, you want to go to a bar with colleagues, but you are worried that what if they are not very happy with your company. Or you want to talk, but are afraid to freeze stupidity. Let’s look at what separates a socially anxious person from an introvert.
1. Introverts Are Born, Socially Anxious
Introversion is an inborn trait, an integral part of personality. A child is not born socially anxious, although there may be a predisposition to this. Various factors influence the development of anxiety: early social rejection, which teaches the child that peers are angry and critical; attitudes inspired by parents (never ask for help, because others will condemn for it). Perhaps, being in the center of attention, the child felt so uncomfortable that he began to avoid publicity.
The good news is that it is possible to revisit early lessons about people who are bound to judge and criticize and learn new, more uplifting “material”.
2. Introverts enjoy being alone.
They are really good on their own. Only in solitude, one-on-one with a loved one or in a very small company of people whom he trusts, such a person gets the opportunity to “charge the batteries”, relax, make up for the lack of energy.
Anxiety is caused by fear, which means that loneliness makes a person prone to it less restless. Does it bring happiness? No, more like a sense of relief. Which, of course, is also not bad, but avoiding people, a person continues to be lonely or insecure. He is forced to refuse to participate in events that are interesting to him, because he is afraid that he will feel uncomfortable there, that he will get into a mess.
3. Introverts are confident in their abilities, anxious are not.
An anxious person believes that he is not capable of anything and has nothing to say. He is convinced that even if he opens his mouth, it will not end well: he will either not be understood or supported. Introverts are quite confident in their social skills and can turn them on when needed. It takes effort, but they can easily energize the next day by reading a book on the couch or having lunch with a close friend.
4. Anxious people fixate on the opinions of others.
We are social beings, and we care what others think of us, at least those we love and respect. Often we try to convince ourselves that we must be ourselves, we must not let someone else’s opinion hold us back, but it is hardly possible to get rid of it one hundred percent. Socially anxious people worry too much about the opinions of others. They are sure that they do not meet some generally accepted standards, others think of them in a negative way, condemn, disapprove.
Such people are sure that only if they become “perfect”, others will stop judging and criticizing them. They’re rehearsing what they’ll say to the waiter when it’s their turn to order, or contemplating an upcoming conversation with customer service. But the waiters and dispatchers in life, it seems, have heard everything, and the fact that the client was confused and stammering will be forgotten in a minute.
About the Author: Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, is a clinical psychologist at the Boston University Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders.