Contents
Hello, dear readers of the site! Today we will talk about how not to be afraid of the boss.
To begin with, let’s find out why people tend to feel horror of those who have more power, and in general, what such reactions can lead to.
After all, you must admit that a shy person, sometimes prone to victimization, that is, sacrificial behavior, is unlikely to be able to show leadership qualities and lead others if necessary.
Accordingly, professional activity, like life in general, will be somewhat limited, not free.
Therefore, we want to present to your attention methods that will help you cope with your feelings and feel calm, confident next to the leadership.
So, are you ready?
Causes
There can actually be a lot of reasons, because the human psyche is multifaceted, and his life path, like psychology, character is unique. But below we will introduce you to the main ones that are most common.
Hyphenation
Subconsciously, the leader is associated with a parental figure, which in the life of almost every child was significant.
After all, those who educate have a lot of power. Mom, dad or other adult who takes care of makes decisions about how to live and what to do with their child. What can he do, what can’t, and so on.
Everyone has their own style of upbringing, some prefer authoritarianism, therefore, punishment is applied for every slightest mistake and they almost never encourage or praise.
Others are conniving about their duties and give complete freedom of action, afraid of being a “bad” parent.
Someone negotiates, someone tries to “buy” obedience, and someone does not take any part in the life of their baby at all, being only a functional, providing him with vital needs.
So, if a child grew up in a family with a strict father, or a cruel mother, or an overly authoritarian grandmother, grandfather, for him in the future, any person with power will be a punishing body, but not encouraging for achievements.
Therefore, at the sight of the boss, an adult, mature person turns into a little boy or girl, expecting punishment for disobedience.
Personal characteristics of the leader
It happens that cruel, explosive and intolerant of other opinions individuals get power. With subordinates, they communicate condescendingly, not counting at all for people. Why do they seek to control them only with the help of fear, that is, by exerting psychological pressure, manipulating feelings.
So that they do not think of overthrowing from their positions, or simply disobeying. Willless robots with no right to vote, that’s how the overly authoritarian, sometimes despotic bosses want to see workers.
And if a person is in a difficult financial situation, or simply values his place in the company, he falls into a kind of trap. He is really afraid to take a step aside without permission, otherwise a fine, reprimand, demotion, or even dismissal will inevitably follow.
Personal characteristics of the employee
Timid people are basically afraid of everyone around them. Or rather, their opinions, condemnations. They have low self-esteem, and therefore, simply relying on willpower, they are not able to take it like that and stop feeling horror in front of authoritative people.
Perfectionists — individuals with excessive demands on themselves and others, also risk experiencing discomfort in the presence of those who are more significant in rank.
Negative experience
Fear can appear as a result of receiving a reprimand, punishment, especially in front of colleagues, which only adds shame, which then forms anxiety, horror at the possibility of falling into a similar situation again.
Suppose the employee made a mistake, and the boss was not in the mood, and he scolded a negligent subordinate who took criticism to heart.
After that, while performing the assigned tasks, he will subconsciously strain, thinking that he suddenly did something wrong again. Naturally, this will reduce the level of concentration, which, quite expectedly, will lead to even more gaffes.
Or it happens that the boss unsuccessfully joked with a subordinate, who later did not feel free next to him, since he already perceived any words as a mockery.
Negative consequences
Impossibility of promotion
When a person is afraid of his boss, this can negatively affect his future. Especially if he wants to reach certain heights.
Obliging or overly timid subordinates do not command respect. They simply do not inspire confidence, because how can you rely on, entrust the execution of a responsible task to someone who is shy and afraid to even look into the eyes?
In such a person it is difficult to consider an equal, qualified specialist. After all, he does everything to be taken for a victim.
Falling into sacrifice
As already mentioned, timid people who are afraid of status individuals are perceived as victims. After all, if they are unfairly accused of something, they will not dare to justify themselves and tell the aggressor that he is wrong.
They will endure humiliation, not daring to defend their borders. What makes them very convenient, because you can dump anger and tension without getting a return.
And if you have to endure violence in the office, then gradually a person gets used to it. Accordingly, he allows others to mistreat him. Such tolerance sometimes provokes aggression and a desire to harm.
In general, you will learn more about victimization in this article.
By the way, even a democratic boss who does not have the goal of having a “whipping boy” at hand will not like this behavior.
Because he will not see the prospects, a company that employs an indecisive and ingratiating person is practically doomed to failure. Successful leaders want ambitious, resilient employees around them.
Errors at work
Inexperienced people, or those who are faced with new responsibilities, have just joined the team, it is anxious to ask questions to the leader.
After all, they will expect a wave of irritation in their address and accusations of incompetence. Accordingly, without asking about what is the right thing to do in some situation, they will make mistakes. Which may well be unforgivable.
Yes, and anxiety distracts, reduces concentration, the ability to think logically, discarding the emotional component.
Lack of recognition and respect
The timidity of management leads to a deterioration in relations with colleagues, who will not only cease to respect, but may also mock a weak-willed employee.
And if the atmosphere in the team is not comfortable for a person, he simply will not be able to perform his duties with high quality. If only because it will experience tension and, possibly, shame, irritation.
Health problems
The impact of stress on the body is extremely high. It is dangerous to health, as it may well provoke the development of chronic, and even incurable diseases.
Not only the psyche suffers, but the whole body as a whole. Energy is spent on coping with stress, respectively, a person does not solve his life tasks and constantly feels a breakdown. She does not get enough sleep, because in addition to various diseases, insomnia also occurs.
When your boss asks you to stay late at work
Do you think the opinion of a person who does not declare his boundaries will be respected? Unlikely. After all, why should someone else take care of someone who does not take care of himself?
Let’s look at why working overtime is not a good idea:
- You perform some of your duties for free. Yes, so to speak, on a volunteer basis, thinking that someday someone will appreciate your sacrifices.
- You are depriving yourself of a well-deserved rest. You could spend this time with family, friends, or just alone, gaining energy that you will surely need tomorrow.
- Bring yourself to professional burnout. When fatigue and apathy take over, there is absolutely no strength to get out of bed in the morning and get ready for the hated office. Despite the fact that earlier there was an interest in work, a desire to create and change something.
- You make a lot of mistakes. After all, fatigue can do a lot. Therefore, the next day you will have to linger again to correct them. And so on in a circle, until a disease arises from stress and exhaustion, or a strong desire to quit and send everyone to hell.
- You feel sad and lonely. Social ties are gradually narrowing, because you pay attention not to communication with loved ones, but to projects, schedules, and so on. And this inevitably leads to loneliness, conflicts with family members, depression and even divorce.
And so, in principle, we can continue for a long time. Therefore, learn to say “no”, defend your boundaries and rights.
If you are threatened with demotion or dismissal due to rejection, consider holding on to a place where you are just being used. And does your willingness to sacrifice personal interests to the benefit of the company guarantee security and stability?
After all, this is how you can manipulate your employee every time, as soon as he tries to resist taking on additional obligations without an appropriate additional pay.
Methods
Awareness
To understand how to confront your fears, you must first understand what they are. That is, sometimes it turns out that behind the fear of the authorities is the need for recognition or the desire for attention. Or it seems that if you make a mistake, the end of the world will come, although in reality it is just fantasy.
So take a piece of paper and write down all your ideas about what would happen if the boss were unhappy with you or your work. Perhaps some fears will not actually be fatal, but moments and not terrible at all.
Rationalization allows you to «soberly» look at the situation, to see the full real picture.
Positioning in someone else’s place
Try to imagine yourself in the shoes of the boss. Perhaps you will understand why he is unfair to his employees.
Or you will see that he simply has no other options, and he is trying to keep the company afloat, solving a huge number of tasks at the same time.
When you have to communicate with dozens of different people a day, make decisions on which the future of the company depends, and again dozens of families, believe me, you simply may not have enough strength to delve into the personal problems of one particular person, trying to find an individual approach to him.
Yes, and if you understand that you have a living person in front of you, who practically does not differ from you and can also make mistakes, and still does not know the answers to absolutely all questions, it will be easier for you to accept him and relate to status in general.
Fantasy
How to resist aggression if for some reason you do not have the right to show it in response? It is worth imagining that cotton wool comes out of the mouth of the one who swears, or flies fly out altogether.
This is not to laugh, to defuse the situation, but to look at the situation a little from the side, without getting emotionally involved.
After all, any word can be perceived as an insult, get hurt about it and continue to worry every time in the process of communication.
Recommendations
- Watch your colleagues, how do they react to criticism from the boss? How do they behave around him? Especially if they manage to find a common language with him. After studying their methods of interaction, you will understand what to do yourself.
- Ask questions. If you avoid contact with the leader, in addition to making mistakes that are likely to cause a wave of anger, you will also not stand out from the rest at all. And this means that when the time comes for someone to be promoted, they will not remember you at all.
- If you understand that willpower and the fight against fears do not help, if only because it is an aggressive boss whose character cannot be influenced, consider looking for another job. Take care of your health and career. The future, after all. Since if you manage to find a common language with other significant and successful people, and you are only afraid of your leader, think about whether the position is worth humiliating yourself and enduring stress from day to day?
- Increase your self-esteem, it will surely come in handy in your life not only for building a career, but also to find agreement with yourself and loved ones.
- Pay more attention to the tasks than to the experiences. Emotions should sometimes be relegated to the background when a matter requires precise calculations and decisions.
- As much as you would like to, but restrain yourself in your impulses to curry favor with the director. If you do not agree with him, calmly explain what the differences of your opinions are, in no way devaluing his ideas. But agreeing, realizing that this leads to failure, is not the best option.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Finally, we want to recommend an article on how to argue your opinion so that others listen to it and respect it.
This comes at a cost in working relationships, so good luck with your endeavors and learning to respond differently to criticism and aggression.
Take care of yourself and be happy!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina