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They are forced to make excuses for their selfishness and listen to reproaches for ignoring «the most important job in the world.» And how do childless women themselves explain their choice?
More and more women today are called «childfree» (English childfree — «free from children»). In the US alone, 48% (almost half!) of women aged 18 to 44 do not have children for various reasons.1 If this is a woman’s conscious decision, what are her motives? Here are some sincere confessions.2
1. “My job comes first”
“I like to spend my salary on myself and on the lifestyle that I’m used to. I may be too selfish, but I don’t want to share my hard-earned money with a child who will also ruin my figure. ”
“I can’t imagine where to find time to take care of a child, be a good mother and continue to actively build a career.”
“I am a swimming teacher, working with children of all ages and personalities. I have always wanted to work with hundreds, thousands of children and have an impact on their lives, not just one or two of my own. It annoys me when they say to me: “You are so good with children! You could be a great mom!» Yes… yes, I could. But I don’t have enough energy for everyone — I have to take care of either my children or my students.
- «I don’t want to have children»
2. «I don’t like children»
“I never liked children, even when I was a child myself, and I never wanted to be a mother. I probably just don’t have a maternal instinct and I don’t want to think about the needs of another human being. But I enjoy my independence and hope to continue to spend my life and money on what gives me pleasure. Also, I am an introvert and need time and space for myself. There is no point in having a child who will take all this from me. It’s good that now I can talk about it more and more openly. Although mothers still condemn me: it is difficult for them to imagine that a woman may not have a desire to have a child. But I have like-minded people, I found them on the net. These women and men share my point of view: we just want more out of life than procreation.”
“A child is a lifetime commitment. Children require patience and money, which I, the teacher, do not have and are not expected to have. Plus, to be honest, I don’t like kids. Of course, I can handle my partner’s children, but they are still not entirely mine, their life is none of my business. I don’t want to throw parties for these three-year-olds and a whole swarm of their peers.»
- «Why did you decide to have a baby?»
3. «I have a bad relationship with my parents»
“It’s probably stupid to put the blame on your parents, but I grew up despising them. They divorced when I was only six months old and I never felt that they needed me. And now I’m afraid to be the same parent. I don’t want my child to grow up feeling unwanted.”
“We made the decision not to have children together with my husband. He has had a bad experience of domestic abuse since childhood, and we do not want to expose our own children to the risk of facing such abuse. We are happy and in love with each other, and that’s enough for us.»
“I have a lot of health problems, so I would not want to “continue” in my children. In addition, it is impossible to provide a child with a decent life if you do not love him: for example, my parents never loved me.
- Single, successful, 40s
4. “I don’t want financial responsibility”
“My partner and I have accumulated huge debts on loans. In such a situation, it is irresponsible to have children, especially when you realize how big a role money plays in a child’s success in life. If our country were more supportive of the middle class, maybe I would think again, but all this is far from reality, so I remain childless.”
“I grew up in poverty, with four younger brothers to take care of. Every summer I turned into a baby sitter. I didn’t have a childhood at all. My mother did not use protection then, and here is the result — she had to forget about her life forever. She always repeated: “Just don’t have children!” And so I did.»
5. «I like living the way I do now»
“My husband and I have pets, and besides, we are good with each other. We love to sleep and travel long distances by car. And we often arrange night dates for ourselves — several times a week. Each of our vacations turns into a romantic adventure. And this lifestyle does not involve overtime in the office, nor caring for anyone else but each other.
“I never even had such a choice — to have children or not to have. I don’t have them, I’m free, and I am who I am. I am not interested in children, and therefore I do not need them. Having a baby means ignoring who I am and doing what I don’t want to.»
“I love children – I am a teacher. But the world is already overpopulated, and I don’t think that my genetic material is so special that it makes sense to add new problems to this world. And also, when I am very sad, I think: why make someone also suffer? After all, I can’t guarantee a happy life for a child.”
1. According to the Federal Statistics Service (USA) US Census Bureau for 2014.
2 The data of a large-scale anonymous survey of its readers was analyzed by The Huffington Post online edition (data.huffingtonpost.com)