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On the one hand, women have much more patience and flexibility than men. On the other hand, according to statistics, it is they who file for divorce more often. Why do those who are usually called the keepers of the hearth and who, according to prevailing stereotypes, are more interested in marriage, become the initiators of its completion? Our experts name five possible reasons.
1. Confidence in your own future
Today, a woman, having lost the status of a married woman, is much less afraid of being left without a livelihood than before. She is better protected and more ready to defend her rights. The more confidence she has in the future, the less she is ready to endure relationships that she considers obsolete and does not see the possibility of their development.
2. Tolerance for divorce in society
As the divorce rate rises, so does society’s tolerance for broken marriages and divorced women. “If forty years ago a woman who decided to dissolve a marriage was condemned, she was a priori considered lonely and unhappy, now you will not surprise anyone with this,” explains sociologist Tracey Shelvin. — It does not characterize you as a person.
In many ways, these changes have become possible due to changes in legislation. Today, a woman filing for divorce does not have to necessarily prove her husband’s infidelity or his harshness towards her or her children. There are enough personal and significant reasons for parting for you.
3.New features
Divorce proceedings, which began to boom in the last third of the last century, helped many women take more decisive steps in their careers. “Divorce is no longer perceived as a direct road to depression and loneliness,” comments psychologist Alex Riddle. “On the contrary, after parting with their spouses, many women began to show themselves in the profession.” From now on, they did not have to devote time to family and home without fail, and they began to spend the freed up resources on themselves, on their self-education and career.
4. Changed gender roles
The traditional distribution of roles in the family also plays a significant role in the fact that men are not too willing to file for divorce. It is simply unprofitable for them, because it is women who still have the main work in the household: they cook, clean, take care of children. If a man loses his status as a married man, his lifestyle changes dramatically, and he loses the lion’s share of the comfort that he has become accustomed to in marriage.
5. Relations with children
If a couple has children, in most cases they stay with their mother. If a man is attached to them, the prospect that he will see them less often scares him, as well as the fact that they may never forgive him for leaving the family. “Few of my male clients managed to maintain the same relationship with their children after a divorce,” says Alex Riddle. “Only recently the situation has begun to improve: today, men are increasingly involved in the lives of children even after the family officially breaks up.”
Men are less likely to condemn themselves to the psychological discomfort that is inevitably associated with the divorce process. In addition, they understand that they can suffer financially, because they will have to pay alimony. The combination of these psychological and economic reasons makes them much more conservative and interested in preserving the family, even if deep down they understand that the relationship has exhausted itself.
Women are often much more honest both with themselves and with a partner. It is they who find the strength to admit that relations are in crisis, try to establish a dialogue and change something in them. However, realizing that nothing is working out and the family has no future, they are more willing to go for a divorce.