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Wives complain about the monosyllabic answers of their husbands, clients complain to psychologists that they experience a feeling of deep loneliness even when surrounded by people. Most have acquaintances who stand apart from everyone at parties, feeling awkward. Psychotherapist Jonis Webb on why this is happening and why you need to change.
Are all of the above people introverts? Perhaps, but many of them end up in similar situations for a different reason. Without noticing it, they have built a real wall between themselves and everyone else, and this wall prevents them from telling others what they could and should have said.
The wall seems to have robbed them of their voice, as if whispering: “This is not important enough to talk about it”, “Talking is annoying”, “Talking is useless”, “You have nothing to say to others right now.”
Unfortunately, in this way these people deprive themselves of one of the most valuable tools given to us by nature – speech, and thus do not receive the enormous benefit that communication brings us.
What can we get by becoming more talkative?
1. Improve your mood
Imagine that you are standing in line at the pharmacy. Time is running out, it’s time for you to run further on business. Suddenly the woman behind you says, “Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where did you buy these boots? My husband was looking for just such and could not find anywhere.
A short conversation follows, you joke a little, she laughs. Research shows that such brief, “meaningless” communication improves our mood. Contact with another person releases the neurotransmitter oxytocin into the brain. Research has shown that oxytocin reduces anxiety, induces feelings of well-being, and increases our propensity for empathy (compassion for others).
Not only you felt the effect: the woman with whom you talked also improved her mood.
2. Put your thoughts in order
It’s one thing to talk to a stranger in a pharmacy. Quite another is a conversation with a loved one whom you trust. It can be very helpful to talk about what has been on your mind lately.
Are you worried about your daughter? Thinking about changing jobs? Weighing the pros and cons of buying a car? When you share with another person the thoughts that have been in your head until now, you will have to take them more seriously. Perhaps your interlocutor will be able to tell you something.
This kind of two-way communication will help you come to certain conclusions and, perhaps, prompt new ideas. Solid benefit.
3. Become more interesting as a person
Reticence may seem safe to us. We will not offend or offend anyone if we remain silent all the time. However, all the time remaining “quiet”, we run the risk of seeming uninteresting to others. By saying something (anything), we give them the opportunity to “catch on” to something and thus remember us.
If you talk not only about trifles, then you have a good chance to become more interesting and closer to others.
4. Change your brain
If you are not talkative, most likely, the combination of introversion (this is normal and even wonderful, no one is trying to deprive you of this feature) with the “wall” mentioned above stops you from communicating. The wall that separates you from others most likely arose as a child as a result of explicit or hidden messages that you received in the family. Messages that told you that no one really wants to listen to you and no one is particularly interested in it.
When you, already an adult, behave contrary to these attitudes, in doing so, you automatically begin to destroy the “wall”. Over time, your brain will begin to adapt, and it will become easier and easier for you to communicate and talk.
5. Build deeper and more meaningful relationships with others
Every word you utter gives you new strength. Every word you say allows the people around you to learn something new about you. Every word encourages your interlocutors to say something in response, and this, in turn, gives you the opportunity to get to know them better. The better you know each other, the deeper your relationship can become. And deep relationships are more meaningful, more stable and valuable than superficial ones.
If you are an introvert, you may feel that private conversations will drain your energy. If this is true, it is important to listen to your body’s signals and take care of yourself. However, studies show that socializing and talking with others brings joy even to introverts. It is important to maintain a balance and not become completely silent.
About the Developer
Джонис Вебб (Jonice Webb) – Clinical psychologist, practicing psychotherapist. For details, see her .