Most experts agree that a romantic story immediately after a divorce is unlikely to grow into a strong union. It can aggravate the injury. But psychotherapist Terry Gaspard takes it upon himself to argue. Even if such relationships do not last long, they can help right now.
“Immediately after a breakup, when you have not yet healed your wounds and are most likely in an emotionally insecure state, new relationships rarely end in a happy ending,” admits Terry Gaspar. “However, under certain circumstances, nothing less than a new novel can help. Even if it doesn’t last long.»
She confirms this from her own experience. “I almost immediately developed a relationship that helped me get through the difficult post-divorce period, let go of the past and move on,” she says. “And although all my friends considered the new novel an extremely reckless act, it was the best therapy for me.”
Terry admits that, despite the loss of her family and the difficult separation, she realized that she could still experience joyful feelings, be desirable for someone.
“Yes, such relationships can be quite risky,” she says. — If you feel very lonely, it is easy to be deceived and start dating a person who will only bring more disappointments to your life. A new romance can help if you are aware that you still need time. And overwhelmed feelings should not become a reason for serious decisions that can change lives.
Here are her arguments in favor of such a relationship:
1. They facilitate the transition from family life to single sailing. However, only if the partner supports you, gives you positive emotions and you look at the new relationship realistically: do not rush to create an alliance with mutual obligations and a common home.
2. This makes it possible to understand what qualities in a partner are priority for you. Once, before marriage, you already went on dates and you had ideas about what kind of partner you want to meet. But during this time priorities could change. You can understand this by meeting new people and noting what you cannot put up with, and what, on the contrary, seems attractive.
3. If in the future you want to create a new family, then you can test yourself at what point you are ready for this decision. Perhaps, it is worthwhile to stop only on romantic dates or to be alone for now. Meeting a person to whom you have no obligations will help you better understand yourself and your needs.
4. This raises the confidence that is so lacking after a divorce. You again feel in demand on the field of romantic dates.
5. In the end, you may meet your destiny. Every rule has its exceptions! Who knows, perhaps this very meeting, on which you did not have high hopes, will suddenly turn out to be significant in life.