All of us were taught “magic words” in childhood: thank you, excuse me, please … But if you use them too often, inappropriately, with reverence for the interlocutor and disdain for yourself, these words cease to be just an expression of politeness. They become your enemies.
The reason for this is not necessarily due to low self-esteem. Deep-rooted communication patterns can also play a role. A person, without noticing it, abuses polite words and thereby neglects his personality and demonstrates this neglect to others. As a result, he does not receive the desired recognition and respect. So, 5 common words and expressions in communication that lower personal significance:
1. «Can»
The words «can» or «cannot» refer us to childhood, when we asked permission and depended on the verdict of an adult. This is an initially unequal position. In adult life, referring to someone with the word «may» is very common and involves only some kind of request.
Think, for example, of asking a waiter for a menu in a restaurant. Most say, «Can I have a menu?» Can you imagine what such a person looks like? Mediocre and faceless.
Replace the request for permission with an appropriate direction for the situation and you get: «Bring me the menu.» Add a calm intonation, and now we have a self-confident person who knows what he wants from life.
2. «Thank you»
Some people can say the word «thank you» countless times in a two-minute conversation. The reason may be in the inability to end the conversation, in the habit of constantly saying “thank you”, in an awkward situation. In any case, this is an insecure behavior that is read by others.
Imagine that you brought a report to your boss, he made notes in it and ordered you to redo it. And you reply: «Yes, I made mistakes, sorry, thanks for the corrections, I’ll redo it, sorry.» It looks pathetic and unconvincing. It is unlikely that your candidacy will be considered for a higher position.
Wouldn’t it be better to change the phrase and say with dignity: «I understand everything, I’ll fix it.» We are all human and have the right to make mistakes. It is not necessary because of them to criticize yourself unnecessarily and make excuses to others. It reduces our value.
3. «I’m not bothering you?»
Most often, they say this on purpose when they want to express special respect for the person to whom this message is addressed. Decreasing your personal importance is not the best way to achieve the desired effect. People value respect from their peers much more.
For example, the manager called you, and after a while you went to him. Why say: «I won’t disturb you?» or «I’m not distracting you»? Your affairs and your time are no less important than those of your manager. Replace it with «Will I come in?». She exudes energy and composure.
4. «Could you…»
The “not” particle is the most sinister in the Russian language. You immediately offer the person a ready-made solution in the form of a refusal. The subtext is: «I know that you will refuse, and I am in your hands.» And if a person agrees to your request, it will look more like a favor.
Replace this phrase with an affirmative one and get rid of the “not” particle: “Could you …?” Here, an equal position and a strong belief in the result are obvious.
5. «I liked it very much»
The phrase itself is nice. It is filled with sincerity and is perfect for friendly and intimate communication. But if you want to emphasize your opinion, then it is better to use this phrase with caution.
In certain situations, you may get the impression that you are superficially assessing something or that it is not so difficult to impress you. If you are trying to give weight to your assessment, you should deepen and concretize it, for example: “I am satisfied”, “I am satisfied with this”, “I am impressed by this”.
To radiate self-confidence, sometimes it is enough to change the usual words in your speech to those that emphasize your value. Then internal positive changes will not be long in coming. And with them will come recognition, and respect, and love.