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The pinnacle of pleasure… No wonder it is shrouded in legends and myths. However, sometimes they interfere with our enjoyment. Let’s see what’s true and what’s fiction.
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Myth 1: without it there is no pleasure
We say “sex” – we mean “orgasm”. This idea is broadcast by many sex coaches. And if ejaculation is a biologically given function of a man for procreation, then from the point of view of evolution, there is no need for a discharge of a woman. At the same time, women who do not experience orgasm consider themselves almost frigid.
In fact. Orgasm is only a bonus from intimacy, but not its obligatory result. “In the process of sexual intercourse, a fanatical desire for orgasm can unnerve both a man and a woman,” explains sexologist and psychiatrist Alexei Vilkov. – Many factors influence the occurrence of an orgasm: the level of trust in a partner, mood, general health, the ability to relax.
For women, the positive experience of masturbation plays an important role. If any condition falls out, the likelihood of orgasm decreases. But this is no reason not to enjoy the process. Pleasant sensations and emotions arise not at the end, but throughout the entire time of intimacy.
Sexologist Maria Shelkova agrees with this: “You cannot measure female sexuality by the degree of orgasm. But often this is exactly what happens in the minds of women: the partner has an orgasm, but I don’t? Underwoman! The porn industry also leads there: actresses show the “perfect” orgasm. But in reality it doesn’t exist.”
Myth 2: Whether he will, depends on the partner
We open up differently with different sexual partners. Therefore, the temptation is great (especially for women) to transfer responsibility for their orgasm to another.
In fact. We are responsible for our satisfaction. “We cannot guarantee orgasms by changing partners, because sometimes an orgasm does not occur, for example, against the background of increased anxiety,” emphasizes Maria Shelkova. – Therefore, listen to yourself and control the sexual act so that you do not have to endure. To do this, study your exciting stimuli. Find out what dampens the excitement, and keep it to a minimum.
Learn to talk with your partner about how and what you need and at what moment. A man does not read minds, he needs help to recognize us and feel.” For the quality of sexual intercourse, it may not matter whether a familiar partner or a new one: an orgasm is potentially achievable with anyone.
“The ability to orgasm develops in the course of psychosexual development, when a girl explores herself, engages in self-stimulation: this is how she discovers erogenous zones that will eventually help her achieve orgasm with a partner,” says Alexey Vilkov. “A man can be a skilled lover, but it will be difficult for him if the woman herself does not know what to do with her own body.”
Another myth – that masturbation is unhealthy – is gradually fading into the past, but its echoes are still heard. “Prejudices, ignorance, harsh upbringing lead to the fact that adolescents suppress their sexuality, and in adulthood this negatively affects relationships,” says Alexei Vilkov. “Harm from masturbation is completely excluded – this is a natural process due to which endorphins are released, hormones of pleasure that relieve tension and stress.”
Myth 3: It has many types
Sigmund Freud claimed that women have an “infantile” clitoral orgasm and an “adult” vaginal one. And until now, many women divide their orgasm into different types, finding some more complete.
In fact. The female orgasm is a reflex contraction of the vagina, there are no options. “But there are really many ways to stimulate a woman to cause an orgasm,” emphasizes Maria Shelkova. “Which of them work for a particular woman depends on the characteristics of her nervous system, the location of sensitive receptors, anatomy and past experience.”
The areas most commonly stimulated to produce orgasms are the clitoris, vagina, and anal area. But orgasm can also be triggered by touching the nipples, tightening the thighs, ab exercises, and so on. There is even a classic example in sexology of a woman who had an orgasm while brushing her teeth.
Be that as it may, there is only one orgasm – both during intercourse and without it, if discharge has occurred. Another thing is that the range of manifestations of the female orgasm is really wide: from a couple of contractions imperceptible even to the woman herself and a feeling of slight relaxation to ecstasy and a strong pulsation inside.
The intensity of orgasm is influenced by many factors: the day of the cycle, the characteristics of the nervous system, the location of the vagus nerve, hormonal levels, the strength and duration of arousal, and sexual attitudes. “Therefore, there is no ideal or correct orgasm: it either exists or it doesn’t,” says Maria Shelkova. “Weak, strong, fainting or not noticeable at all.”
Myth 4: The G-spot guarantees ecstasy
In the 1980s, many looked for the G-spot on the anterior wall of the vagina. Men who care about their partner getting the maximum pleasure from sex do not stop searching to this day.
In fact. There is not a point, but a whole zone about 5 centimeters from the entrance on the anterior wall of the vagina, but not all women stimulate it to orgasm. According to Maria Shelkova, the accumulation of sensitive nerve endings in this area explains the best signal transmission along the nerves to the clitoris and further to the brain.1.
However, not everyone enjoys it. Someone experiences discomfort and the urge to urinate. Someone simply prefers the stimulation of other erogenous zones. Despite this, many of us continue to fake an orgasm and sing about a man’s ability to find the G-spot.
This happens because of the reluctance to offend a partner or the desire to please him, for fear of losing. But if you suppress your feelings, stepping over yourself, this ultimately worsens the quality of intimacy.
“Problems arise when there is no mutual understanding between partners,” emphasizes Aleksey Vilkov. – When they hide their feelings, emotions and true desires. When they do not express wishes, but make claims, especially in the process of getting to know each other.
The foundations of these skills are laid during puberty, but this is not always enough, and sex education continues. “I would recommend that both adults and adolescents contact a specialist to check his expertise,” advises Aleksey Vilkov. “It should be a sexologist who has received a medical degree, or a sexologist who understands the psychology of sexuality.”
Myth 5: Squirting is a jet orgasm
After watching porn movies, many men dream of their partner spewing fountains in ecstasy. And many women try to learn it.
Actually. Squirting is not an orgasm. “Squirt can be without orgasm, orgasm can be without squirt, orgasm and squirt can coincide in time, but in any case, these are different things,” Maria Shelkova insists. – The volume of liquid released during squirt is about a teaspoon.
In its composition, they find a secret from Skene’s glands, also called paraurethral, and traces of urine.2 . And fountains are most often explained by the fact that before shooting, a trained actress is pumped with water, and she releases a jet, straining her intimate muscles.
Studies differ on the number of women capable of squirting, ranging from 6%3 up to 54% of women4. The composition of the excreted fluid varies markedly in different women, and no one knows yet why.
Be that as it may, squirt is not at all necessary for the enjoyment of partners, although for some men it raises self-esteem, and for women it creates a feeling of special closeness with a partner. But after all, we go to bed not for the sake of special skills, but for the sake of those unique sensations that each and every one of us can experience on our own and share with others.
1. M.-H. Colson Female orgasm: Myths, facts and controversies, Sexologies, №19, 2010.
2. S. Salama et. al. Nature and origin of «squirting» in female sexuality, Journal Sex Med, March, 2015.
3. S. Kratochvíl Orgasmic expulsions in women, Cesk Psychiatry, April 1994, vol. 90, issue 2, pp. 71-7.
4. B. Bullough et al. Subjective reports of female orgasmic expulsion of fluid, Nurse Practitioner, March 1984, vol. 9, issue 3, pp. 55-59.