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Most people do not have to discuss sexual fantasies and secret desires in everyday life. Sexologists-psychotherapists talk about these topics every day and have long noticed that clients mention certain fantasies more often than others.
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1. Have a threesome
“Both singles and couples fantasize about inviting a third person into the bedroom. In part, this is attractive because of the increased sensual stimulation due to the contact of many body parts. The idea is attractive to couples as a way to diversify intimate life, to rekindle a fading passion, ”says Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist.
2. Dominate or obey
“We see that it is of interest to both men and women. Usually men prefer to dominate and women to obey, but there are exceptions. Dominance fantasies show a lust for power, a desire to feel complete control over the situation and see that the other person is ready to carry out your every order.
Submission is arousing for two reasons: first, the submitter receives the full, undivided attention of the dominant, and secondly, he lets go of control and feels like an object for someone else’s pleasure, ”say Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, sexologists-therapists, co-authors of the book Making Love for real”.
3. Seeing feet and shoes as sexual objects
“Such fantasies are very common. Men imagine stimulating their genitals with their feet, or imagine a woman walking on them in shoes. Some get excited by imagining women’s shoes. The sight of feet in shoes is highly arousing to some people.
These fantasies usually begin in adolescence. Considering the way shoes are advertised and displayed, it’s no surprise that for some they become an erotic object. If the fantasy is kept secret or the partner is uncomfortable, the desire only intensifies, being associated with shame and turning into a forbidden fruit, ”says Gracie Landes, a sexologist and family therapist.
4. Repeatedly bring a partner to orgasm
“This is the most common fantasy in men. They dream of making love to a partner who enjoys sex, who freely expresses her desires and responds to every touch. Perhaps they remember a particularly passionate encounter from the past, images from porn, fantasize about their secret love. Either way, the fantasy woman has multiple orgasms.
The fantasy arises from the fact that men have to persuade their partners to have sex. Many reported that they begin to lose desire and arousal, because they know or suspect that a woman is not in the mood. On the contrary, when the partner is excited, it excites the man even more. Knowing he’s good in bed boosts self-esteem,” says Kimberly Risnick Anderson, sex therapist.
5. Watching a partner have sex with another
“Most tend to maintain monogamous relationships, so such fantasies remain taboo. Watching how someone else’s hand touches his or her body, lips touch the lips of a partner, we are once again convinced that our partner is attractive and desirable, and our relationship with him or her becomes unpredictable, as if returning us to the first days of falling in love.
In the position of an observer, a voyeur (even if only imaginary), we may or may not have power, but through the prism of fantasy, the pain of jealousy turns into pleasure,” says Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and author of the book “A Guide to Woman Satisfaction for Thinking Men.”