Contents
Tension and uncertainty often show up in gestures and expressions. Others read them and draw disappointing conclusions about a person’s stress resistance and self-esteem. We analyze common behavioral mistakes and learn how to deal with them.
1. Flip Compliments
“You are doing well, you are achieving results that I never dreamed of,” you say to a colleague. “That dress suits you so well! You are so beautiful in it! But I have no taste at all, ”you praise your friend with longing in your voice. A flip compliment is self-criticism against the background of the other person’s virtues.
This strategy of behavior has two possible outcomes. Someone who is self-confident will not appreciate your compliment, it will cause rejection in him. A person with low self-esteem will revel in their advantage and wallow in your failures and self-criticism. And thus further undermine your confidence in yourself.
But the essence is the same: to compliment another, lowering your significance, means not to respect and not love yourself at all. What to do with it? For starters, stop talking like that and start cultivating self-love.
2. No pauses in speech before answering a question or request
You rush to answer a question or request without having time to think through the answer. Most often, you immediately agree with everything and everything, and then you think how to get out if the request turns out to be difficult to fulfill.
This is typical of people who do not know how to say “no”
You avoid pauses because you are afraid to offend the interlocutor or appear ignorant of some issue. By refusing to pause before an answer, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to understand which option will be comfortable for you, and not for the one who is asking for something.
How to fix it? If you want to give the impression of being thoughtful and not fussy, take breaks. Practice answering not immediately, but after considering the request. In a calm environment, you will be able to decide whether the proposal is feasible.
Start training with minor questions and requests. This will help in the future to cope with more complex and ambiguous situations. Whether in business or in relationships, assertiveness doesn’t tolerate fuss or rashness.
3. Embarrassment during silence
You experience discomfort when silence in a conversation drags on. It seems to you that you should say or do something to stop this “torture”. You start throwing stupid phrases or “littered”, meaningless words, sighing loudly or coughing.
For example, you and a colleague decide to go out to dinner. Along the way, your co-worker met a friend you don’t know and invited him to come with you. During lunch, your colleague did not say a word, thinking about something.
You noticed that his friend began to feel uncomfortable. The silence dragged on and the tension grew. You, too, began to get nervous and decided to act as a “savior”.
They began to come up with topics for conversation, forgetting about their peace and delicious lunch
What to do in such a situation? Try to relax, keep calm and treat everything with humor. Looking at the situation more deeply, this example demonstrates the problem of increased responsibility.
Two people seem to have entered into an agreement between themselves (your colleague and his acquaintance), to which you have nothing to do. As a result, for some reason, it is you who assumes obligations and fulfills the terms of this agreement.
Learn to build the boundaries of your responsibility and bear it only for your actions and actions, without trying to share with others. Then silence will not be a test for you, but “gold”.
4. Lack of a smile on your face
A facial expression full of concern and tension indicates that you are in a delicate situation, self-confidence is undermined. It is better to always keep a relaxed, easy smile of a person who is satisfied with himself and his life.
Signs that betray insecurity and excessive tension: frequent blinking, clenched jaws, pursed lips, lip biting, various slurred sounds, coughing.
What to do? Don’t take things too seriously, smile!
5. Sliding glance
Often, when you are not confident in yourself, your gaze glides through space without clinging to anything. You are looking into the distance or at something. This happens when you are afraid to look the person you like in the eye.
An absent detached gaze repels others, deprives you of their favor.
Another example: you turn in a report to a strict boss, clearly feeling vulnerable. The first thing you involuntarily do is lower your gaze, lowering it into the papers. This gives the impression that you are not confident in your report, which means that you are not coping with your responsibilities.
What to do? Look at your interlocutor between the eyebrows. A person will never understand that you are not looking into the eyes, but between the eyebrows. Try this trick on your loved ones to see if it works great.
Being confident or insecure is your choice. But remember, confidence enriches life and attracts good luck, success and interesting new people!
About the Developer
Ekaterina Schasnaya — Psychologist, author and host of self-sufficiency programs.