5 Keys to the Female Orgasm

It forces itself to wait or covers itself with a wave, it embraces like a flame, it barely touches, sometimes it comes easily and suddenly, and sometimes it requires effort and patience …

“The female orgasm is a capricious and unpredictable phenomenon, even under the most seemingly favorable conditions,” says sexologist Irina Panyukova. “It has no visible biological meaning: even without it, a woman can have an intimate relationship, get pregnant and give birth to healthy children.” Without relying on ready-made recipes, we can figure out what obstacles stand in the way of orgasm – and try to get around them.

1. Good self-esteem

The same self-confidence that so supports us in everyday life is simply necessary to achieve orgasm. In the sexual realm, good self-esteem comes from trust in our body and the image of ourselves that it creates. Having this deep confidence means no longer striving for orgasm as an end in itself, but learning to enjoy at your own pace, not focusing all your attention on the pleasure of a partner and not making your pleasure dependent on his sensations.

Positive self-esteem silences both the reproachful voices of the past and the imperatives of today’s mass culture – “Always sexy, always flawless!”. No one knows better than the woman herself, with whom, when and how she wants to make love. “To strive to achieve orgasm more often than a girlfriend, to win more men than a neighbor or colleague, such a path leads to a dead end,” recalls Irina Panyukova. “The intensity, depth and duration of sensations is different for everyone.”

2. Let go of yourself

For many women, pleasure is unconsciously associated with anxiety, because psychologically, penetration, penetration, is always unsafe. Added to this anxiety is the fear of losing yourself in the onrushing wave of orgasm – it is not without reason that in some languages ​​it has received the nickname “little death”.

Women are afraid to discover that the pleasure they experience does not match their desired, ideal image of themselves. Releasing these unconscious fears is possible when the brain disconnects from them in order to focus on the sensations of the body. And more broadly, as the sociologist and sexologist Igor Kon wrote in the book “The Taste of the Forbidden Fruit: Sexology for All”, when we get rid of internal emotional prohibitions, thoughts about the sinfulness or shamefulness of carnal relationships.

3. Trust in another

Both with a life partner and with a one-night stand, the necessary condition for orgasm is trust. It is the other, man or woman, who has the power to bind us or liberate us. Trusting a partner means going beyond all sorts of norms and clichés. What do I like? what do i want? These are the questions that are really worth asking. And share your desires with your partner.

4. The path of fantasy

To reach the peak of pleasure, one cannot do without erotic films of our inner cinema that feed desire. Being in the concrete reality of the present moment is useful in many life situations, but the path to orgasm lies through the mysterious jungle of fantasies.

5. Working together

Orgasm is unpredictable and can take you by surprise. Pleasure is to be greeted as a guest… who may not come. During sex, we experience unique sensations, but they exist in our lives and regardless of orgasm. From the mother’s womb, our body keeps the memory of the gentle touches of the walls of the uterus. Lovemaking takes us back to those times of tenderness and security.

In sex, emotions become unusually vivid. Our whole being is immersed in sensations: tremors of anticipation, tension, reset, relaxation, laughter or tears. “An orgasm, a few seconds of intense pleasure, is just a discharge of these experiences,” says psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc. “It’s as if we ourselves become an emotion – this is the pleasure.”

Orgasm is an internal dance that many women master only with time. In his bizarre figures, they unravel the secrets of their feelings, preferences, desires. They discover a new dimension of themselves, unleash their animal impulses, roam the secret garden of sensations and fantasies. The path to orgasm lies through the rejection of any superficial and preconceived knowledge about sexuality, through the risk of new discoveries.

“Having received the first sexual experience in youth, it must be expanded, more and more accurately defining your preferences,” says Irina Panyukova. This work takes a lifetime. It requires curiosity and creativity from us, and it can only be done by the two of us.”

“Let’s get closer to surprise each other” – such a motto would suit those who are not content with “mechanical” sex. Sometimes sex is magical, sometimes it’s mediocre. By setting ourselves clear goals in this area, we lose the joy of spontaneity and diversity. In this sense, a solid goal only leads astray.