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To see the good in life without falling into illusions and without conflicting with common sense – is it possible? We tell what this ability is and how it can be developed.
Optimism breeds distrust for a variety of reasons. Some look at the optimists with ironic contempt, because in European culture, intelligence and skepticism are almost synonymous. Others are too tired of the calls and spells so frequent in recent years to change their view of themselves, other people and the world in general, in order to see life in pink.
And this distrust is quite justified in the conditions of the pernicious dominance of that naive optimism, which the psychoanalyst Alain Braconnier calls the “optimism of illusions”, and in which magical thinking and self-hypnosis are cleverly and not always honestly mixed.
Like it’s enough to believe to see, enough to say to become, enough to repeat to succeed.
Psychologist Yevgeny Osin notes that “by default” our psyche is set up rather negatively: “Many studies show that negative information psychologically has more weight for us, we are more sensitive to losses than to acquisitions.
Indeed, in the wild, the ability to sense danger and threat is vital. But in today’s world, where there are not so many risks to our physical existence, this skill does not help as much as plunges us into depression and deprives us of strength.
The ideal option is a combination of positive attitudes with realism of assessments and a critical approach. Alain Braconnier calls it “reasonable optimism”.
“Reasonable, because we start from the facts that convince us that it really brings benefits in different areas of our lives,” he says. – A reasonable optimist does not indulge in illusions; he develops a plan and takes into account the criterion of efficiency where the optimist, who is possessed by illusions, is content with magic formulas.
Our experts offer five steps to help you achieve intelligent optimism.
1. Use pessimism
Reasonable optimism is far from the simplifications to which today’s advertised positive thinking is sometimes inclined. And pessimism for a reasonable optimist is not at all forbidden.
When put to work, pessimism can do a good job in carrying out our plans and ambitions. First of all, because it forces one to take into account difficulties, obstacles, delays, and all sorts of factors that can lead to failure.
It is both a “fool-proof” that prevents us from falling into the “optimism of illusions” and an incentive to be creative, to transform difficulties into achievements. By forcing us to be proactive in overcoming obstacles, pessimism pushes us to mobilize all our resources.
A sober view of the world, foresight, ingenuity – these are the virtues of selective pessimism put at the service of realistic optimism.
If we are too positive, we may underestimate the difficulties that await us, and this prevents us from properly preparing for them. The best option is when our view of reality is sober enough to correctly assess the specifics of the situation, but still optimistic enough that we do not lose faith in ourselves.
Therefore, it is important to listen to our critical and distrustful inner voice, take into account its warnings and think about how we can achieve our goals in spite of all obstacles.
2. Think positively
It is not easy to believe in the best when everything goes wrong. But you can borrow at least two features of their outlook on life from optimists: an approach to the future and a way of explaining what is happening. They affect how we reason, not how we feel.
An optimistic approach to the future is the belief that the desired results will be achieved, or the belief that in the future we will have positive actions, experiences, experiences. In other words, expecting some negative events, it is important to counter each fear or obstacle with a positive “antidote”, thereby restoring balance in emotions and thoughts.
Psychologists have long been interested in a positive way of explaining what is happening.
They found that optimists tend to view unpleasant episodes as one-time, situation-related, and caused by external causes.
We, too, can analyze each negative event, passing it through a sieve of these criteria. Finally, optimists, unlike pessimists, believe that active action will lead to more favorable results than non-intervention in the course of events.
Behaving actively – strategizing, making a choice, doing something – is more positive than being passive, whether in terms of self-esteem, self-confidence, or vision for the future.
So it’s good to get in the habit of first assessing the situation and then asking yourself, “What can I do now?” Then we cease to feel like a toy in the hands of fate and circumstances, and can again become the active subject of our lives.
3. Act according to reality
In every difficulty, you should look for hidden opportunities, and not consider it as a reason to “wave your hand” and “quit everything.” But first, it is important to give yourself time to “digest” the problem and the emotions it caused. We make too many decisions in a hurry, simply because we want to quickly move on to a more pleasant episode.
But reasonable optimism conforms to reality; it does not imply its denial, nor the suppression of negative emotions.
We can look at the event in a detached and thoughtful way: “What new knowledge did this situation give me? What can I improve? What prospects does this situation open up for me (try a different path, change course of action, wait for a favorable moment)?
To look at the situation differently is also to recognize the existence of problems that cannot be solved: at all or at the moment. Research shows that optimists are more likely to accept the impossibility of implementing their plan and move on to another project, while pessimists continue to painfully stagnate, wasting time and energy.
The best way to make sure that the problem is really unsolvable is to contact a competent specialist whom we trust.
4.Enjoy life
To embellish reality a little is a natural property of a healthy psyche. To see reality as it is, tends most often people in a state of depression.
Believing that the world is more good than bad, and that those around you are more good than evil, gives you the hope you need to be successful in life. Without this “background” optimism, we would hardly dare to have novels, create families, get a job. And we have ways to strengthen this energy and vitality of ours.
For example, enjoying the beauty of the world and living beings around, we open our soul and heart to the beautiful
Unlike the pessimist, whose gaze sees only the bad, the optimist builds positive feedback based on his small victories.
One of the founders of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, suggests remembering three good things that happened to you during the day before going to bed. If you are used to thinking about failure, it may not be easy at first. But the good that day was also sure to be, maybe in the little things: someone smiled at you, gave way, you were in a hurry and made it on time …
By remembering three good things every night, we learn to notice and appreciate positive events. According to Seligman, doing this exercise for two weeks is enough for attention to the good to become a habit.
5. Examine your regrets
Pessimism affects not only the future, it also extends to the past. Negative generalizations and fixation on failures undermine self-esteem and self-confidence. But after all, moments of happiness and success can be extracted from the past. Flip through an album of photos or ask loved ones to remind you of the joys that you had in the past.
Another pitfall is regret. None of us can boast that we have not made mistakes in life, but there are regrets that take away all our intellectual and emotional energy, preventing us from living here and now. These regrets require step by step removal.
To do this, place the object of regret in the correct context: What desire gave rise to it? What led to the failure? What could we do to be successful?
Then you need to try again to give it relevance: Is it possible to realize now what was once missed? Under what conditions? If we were successful, what would it give us? Are we sure that we want it so badly and that nothing else would bring us the same satisfaction?
The benefit of such questions is that they take us out of fantasy and passivity and bring us face to face with our true desires.