During the period of falling in love, we are in seventh heaven with happiness, but then suddenly something unexpected happens: for example, a partner arranges a scene of jealousy for no reason. Or ignore our messages for a couple of days. And then it repeats again and again, and we understand that this is not at all the relationship that we wanted. How to recognize toxic love in time?
Toxic love plunges us into a state of permanent anxiety and leaves emotional scars that take a long time to heal. Alas, often people learn about this from their own experience, having already gone through all the circles of hell.
Therefore, according to clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo, it is important to talk and write on this topic as much as possible so that the first bells of such a relationship can be heard even in the early stages of meeting a potential partner.
So how do you tell healthy love from toxic love?
1. Balance of power
Couples whose relationship is based on toxic love tend to have an uneven distribution of power. Or it passes “from hand to hand”, and you never know who will be “at the helm” in the next minute.
A toxic partner usually tends to overtly or secretly control the other, dominate, resort to passive aggression, intimidate, play on guilt. He always gets what he wants, not disdaining any means.
Next to such a person, we feel obliged to do certain things, dance to his tune, adapt to his moods.
In a healthy relationship, partners are equal and do not manipulate each other. The main distinguishing feature of such an alliance is that in it people are not afraid of each other, including not afraid to say something “wrong” and fall under a hot hand.
2. Independence from each other
When we are in a toxic relationship, we tend to become completely absorbed in our partner, we lose ourselves and forget about friends and other hobbies, abandoning them in order to spend the free time with our loved one. All this sooner or later leads to codependency.
In a healthy relationship, partners defend their own boundaries and do not violate the boundaries of the other; despite the fact that there are always not enough hours in the day, they find time for their hobbies, interests and hobbies, for meeting friends and going somewhere alone.
3. The trust
In a toxic relationship with a partner who has repeatedly let us down and made mistakes that affected our union, it is difficult to feel truly safe. We don’t trust him – and maybe he doesn’t trust us either.
Healthy love always implies a sense of security – physical, sexual and emotional. Both partners adhere to the agreements made, giving the other the right to be themselves and supporting him along the way.
In such an alliance, it is not scary to share something with a loved one – he will never condemn.
4. Support
In a toxic union, it is difficult to rely on a partner – perhaps he will come to the rescue when you need it (but only if there are no more interesting things); perhaps—and even more likely—not.
Healthy relationships involve a “feeling of the elbow.” You always know that you can turn to a partner for help or support, and he will definitely provide it to you.
5. freedom
In toxic relationships, we tend to feel like we’re trapped: either we can’t do what we really want, or we feel like we need to change our partner and then things will go smoothly. Such an alliance limits us and our possibilities.
Being in a healthy relationship, we accept each other for who we are – after all, because of these personality traits, we once chose each other.
We want the best for our partner and are ready to help him in his endeavors – of course, not to the detriment of ourselves. We are both free to do what we want, together or separately. And this is what allows us to continue to stay together.